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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 06-03-2005, 09:16 AM   #1
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Join Date: May 2005
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beasty_beats
sunrise

I look to the sky, things are changing
rage has arisen and is showing
reasons for anger need no explaining
sun and the moon, together both glowing,

red floods the sky, the clouds are on fire,
a gap in the blaze for we have all fell
god has returned with utmost desire,
to break down the beckoning gates of HELL

the end has come, armageddon is nigh,
decisions to make, to fight or to flee,
to fall down below or rise to the sky,
to flee is to fall, to fight, follow me.



if you like of dislike this poem please give me feedback, thank you in advance.
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Old 06-06-2005, 06:42 AM   #2
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beasty_beats
i can't believe noone has given me feedback on this, this is my favourite poem of my own so i thought it was quite good. feel free to feedback on this, thank you in advance.
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Old 06-06-2005, 07:13 AM   #3
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OK, I'm one of those who read this, & as soon as I saw the opening lines I remembered. It was early one morning, I read it & thought, this is too much for now, bed now & read this tomorrow, then never got back to it.

As a rallying cry, for me it isn't quite passionate enough in the 1st stanza. The 2nd & 3rd I love, although... do you think you may be revealing too much casting yourself in that role?

Anyway, verse 1... I've sat & re-read it over several times, trying to work out what it is.

In the 1st 2 lines, it's to do with the rhythm & in the 3rd & 4th, I don't get the link with sun & moon. All that's been talked about is anger, yet sun & moon imply to different or opposite things.
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