beasty_beats

with all the suffering and pain,
all the death and disease,
with the hail and the rain,
how can we carry on with ease,

lonliness suits us as we deserve,
anything god chooses,
his people are dying, noone cares,
i just feel like confuscious,

finally some support, some aid,
in the midst of death comes light,
no more ignoring those in the shade,
no more hiding in the night,

the suffering is about to end!



if you like or dislike any of my work then give me feedback, it's the only way i can get better, thank you in advance.
p.s. i was hoping on giving this in in college, what do you think?

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with all that happens around i stand strong and cannot be knocked down

journyman161

I like 1st & 3rd verses. they are tight & work well. Verse 2 however, I think needs some work. It breaks with the rhythm & the rhyming of the other 2.

Also, I don't get the confucious reference as he is normally used to represent wisdom or enlightenment, which doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the verse.

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*He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
*Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
*Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it - Moses Hadas
*He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know - Abraham Lincoln

puglover

"with the hail and the rain" - LOVE this line
"in the midst of death comes light"
I like these lines. The use of the word 'midst'.
Although personally I think the others need a bit of fixing..
Your general idea is good though!

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Writing is great.
Writing about pugs is even greater.
But pugs are the best.