dannyboy

From A Pier

His lifeless eyes see not the waves
nor do his ears hear the cry of gulls
and his heart cannot be moved
by the forces of nature, the booming spray,
neither the cold nor warm
or beauty of a bright orange sunrise.

His lips are sealed in a silent scream
what he had to say is left behind;
a note on a table, a letter to his parents
otherwise he is now silent
as silent we stand some days later
watching the casket lowered into the earth.



Death of a Friend

3 feet of water claimed him!
A joke really -
he was an expert swimmer
but swimming doesn’t help
inside a car
upside down
in three feet of water
screaming your lungs out
as water rushes in
and the light fractures
and sounds fall violently away -
even the sound of your brother
the driver
screaming, trying to get to you
his brother
drowning
in 3 feet of water.

Rico

[disc:1ca4afbdac]I'm drunk, so my opinions are not to be trusted[/disc:1ca4afbdac]

I liike both these poems, dannyboy, but they...epsecially the second one...seem so calm and disconnected...not at all what you would think for such a topic.

moving backwards onto the first one...suicide i presume?

are both these poems related? they boith seem to have to do with water and death...

my mind is just not working tonight...

petrel}

Wow! Both of these just evoke so much emotion, yet they are so detached in tone.

my favourite lines--so insanely terrifying in their reality and inescapableness/inescapibility (?). I can almost feel myself drowning.

__________________
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.

P. G. Wodehouse, Uneasy Money

dannyboy

Rico two connection, both were friends, and the water connection that you saw.

This is an attempt at the horror being in the poem not in my voice, if that makes any sense at all - hey and of course you are drunk, 12 bottles and counting! Even so your opinions are always to be trusted (they just mightn't be right!).

I have deliberately tried to disconnect myself and let the incidents stand alone.

see Petrel gets them (wink) ta Petrel glad they worked for you.

mswietek

Dannyboy,

Often poems which are therapeutic to the writer do little for the reader. They're too personal, too melodramatic and frankly, too poorly written. You wonderfully and powerfully break that mold. Not that I expected anything less.

Michael

Taz

Intresting poetry but is'nt words exactly what peory is? think about it. Maybe peorty isnt my fieled. But at least I gave it a shot. poetry wouldnt exist without words.

Taz

Intresting poetry but is'nt words exactly what peory is? think about it. Maybe peorty isnt my fieled. But at least I gave it a shot. poetry wouldnt exist without words.

dannyboy

Michael, thank you, that was exactly my intention after i commented (maybe a trifle harshly) on someone else's poem I thought I should put my poem where my critique was - if you get what I mean. These two are the result.

Rico

dannyboy- yeah, that makes sense...i think (on #13 right now...god, work in a couple hours)...after having read your explanation, then going b ack and readiung the poems, they made a lot more sense.

good job dannyboy

dannyboy

neither would bullshitting but they are both different aren't they taz? Look i felt I was harsh on you and that is why i put these up, to show what i mean. But if you want to get better (as i do) I think you have to move beyond just writing down words and calling it poetry to using words to capture something far more universal than your own feelings/ thoughts on something. Does that make sense?

mybluehell

yeah....

dannyboy, these brought the beginning glimmer of tears in my eyes (more than i've had in a few years) because of the exact reason everyone else said.

these felt so...almost nonchalant and it fucking hurts to read because they translate way too easily into things that happened to me. when my friend died a year ago i couldn't shed a tear even though i was absolutely torn apart; i felt just like the way those poems feel.

at any rate, damn good job capturing the emotion and incidence here. you evoked the exact emotions i think you meant to.

corey

__________________
“I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix; angel-headed hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dyn” -Alan Ginsberg

my music
http://www.myspace.com/BlueIsNaked

dannyboy

thank you corey.