Fear in a Handful of Dust - Writers Forum

kintaris · 05-28-2005, 05:35 PM

Ok, Stephen King fans, i know the title is from the Dark Tower series of books. But when I read that line (i think it was a chapter title) i suddenly had this whole idea. Also be warned that I was reading some pretty heavy T.S. Eliot work around this time.

The crazy lady said
That the Devil is in your Television
And He will Steal your Soul

She was twisted
She never mentioned that Authority
Would parade the shattered remains of innocence
Before me in my adolescence

They said Look What You’ve Done!
Look at the Doors You Have Closed!

Was it God that did this to me? No.
Was it Nature? No.
It was the Man in the Mirror.
He laughs at me.

I made myself invisible
What was my blessing became my curse
Now I will be invisible forever

I am twisted
And now the ever-present Authority
Parades my cherished gift used in innocence
Before me in my adolescence

They said Look What You’ve Done!
Look at the Way Things Could Have Been!

Was it God that did this to me? No.
Was it Nature? No.
Was it the Devil?
Possibly.
It was the Man in the Mirror.
He is trying to kill me.

The crazy lady said
That the Devil is in your Television
And He will Steal your Soul

She was twisted
She meant to say that the Devil is in your Soul
And He turned on your Television
And brought you to your adolescence

Come to my pyre and I will show you the Man in the Mirror.
Come to my pyre and I will show you hopes in a wisp of smoke.
Come to my pyre and the man in the dog collar will show you
Fear in a handful of dust.

******

wow, a fiction submission, a radio play submission, a poetry submission - i joined about two hours ago! I'll give it a break now and try and look at everyone elses work - and review it of course. Be as critical as you need to be!

kintaris

ACircuitShock · 05-28-2005, 05:58 PM

Hmmmm... thought the title sounded familar. Anyway, this is good and twisted. I more of a Stephen King feel to it then a T.S. Elliot feel. I dunno, somehow I felt an underlying sarcasm to the whole thing, whether it was implied or just me. I particulary enjoyed this stanza:

She was twisted
She meant to say that the Devil is in your Soul
And He turned on your Television
And brought you to your adolescence

This is where I feel the sarcasm, and Stephen King always has that feel for me for some reason. Anyway... a good poem, I enjoyed it greatly. I didn't understand some of your capitilization choices, but no matter. I have no real criticism to give. A good write and thanks for sharing!

kintaris · 05-28-2005, 06:02 PM

you're right, although i didnt realise it! I was very deep into the Dark Tower at the time, and there was a sarcastic edge to my writing (as there is in King). As for the capitals, that was a sort of mish-mash of something i saw in someone elses poetry and, oddly, Terry Pratchett. As for why I used capitals...not sure. I was almost going for a Biblical sort of message being conveyed. Not sure tho i dont really know what i'm doing as am doing it.

Thankyou very much for the first review of my work - and a positive one at that!

***EDIT***

also i think the main reason why i saw TS Eliot in it was because of the repetition at the end - I had just finished reading 'The Hollow Men' ("This is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends...") that's almost like a child's song (like ring of roses). I kind of wanted that feel of a loss of innocence at the end.

If that makes ANY sense. lol.

kintaris

Xeen · 07-15-2005, 07:14 PM

Yeah well, I'm not a very good reviewer, but I know what I like, and I like this. It's up there with some of my all time favorite poems. Which is actually a lot, so don't go feeling too special

Good job, though. It is a very appropriate title and avery deep one, indeed.

Thanks for sharing it.

Rico · 07-15-2005, 08:43 PM

hmm, the rhythm of this piece just didn't work for me and neither did the repetition. I like the idea behind the poem and its central theme, but I don't really care for the way you've presented it.

Just realized that that sounds a little harsh. I don't mean it to at all. Just not my thing I guess. But I read it so I thought I should comment.

Jude Knox · 07-24-2005, 05:27 PM

Aftershock.

You've touched a basis of writing I'm familiar with: askjdfklsdjfkjjjjjjjdaaaa!!!

It's perfectly understandable. And doesn't require heavy-duty shaving...unless you would prefer to add more ingenuity into it.

kintaris · 07-25-2005, 04:19 PM

not the harshest review i've had rico, and i appreciate that its not to everyone's taste. I'm not entirely happy with this one myself - struggling with internal things that i cant quite express properly at the moment

cheers jude for your kind words.

kin

Jude Knox · 07-25-2005, 06:42 PM

Anytime!

::has another one bites the dust stuck in head...I don't know why::

Remember:
Never be afraid to write what you're thinking and also....
Never forget to edit.

maddiemae · 11-17-2005, 09:26 PM

That was great!! I get it! So true... We must look in the mirror, but then make sure our perceptions escape the contortionist's trap. The crazy lady probably meant it the way she said it, but your interpretation of her interpretation could be right. You know what I mean.......?

We are our own worst enemy, right? The dust as a medium for fear was good. Dust becomes like smoke and blows away.

Or, am I the crazy lady?

Mm

p.s. Oh yeah, now, if you wouldn't mind, and if you could find some time, I would surely appreciate it if you would read 'Survival of the Weeds' by maddiemae and then comment. You really do write well. I could respect your opinion.