LostCause

I wrote this a few minutes ago ...

Whenever I hear your voice
However happy you sound
You always bring me down

Do you counciously try to
Or is it all a coincidence?

I wish there was something to look forward to

Everything is as bad as you
Velvet innocence is lost
Even smiling makes my face ache
No more can I stand this

Lies are all I recieve in life
Indignance and disrespect
Vile putrid existense
Eventually I will finally die



BTW: Yes, there is a line from the Rocky Horror Picture Show in there incase you thought you noticed that.

__________________
Your faithless kiss entranced my world from start until the end,
I was so convinced by your facade I thought I found a friend.

citygirl

Hi LostCause: Here are a few things I spotted right off the top: "counciously ">>I think you mean consciously.
"Do you counciously try (to"<<take out)
"Or is it (all<< take out)a coincidence?"

I think that there is an over use of the word to.
Some punctuation might be an idea as well.

Over all, you have some good thoughts here, and never give up.....