PROMISED A NEW SUN - Writers Forum

profrksingh · 05-06-2005, 05:36 AM

Walking down a long corridor
a beam of light beckons
from a distant window

up ahead, a figure
gently motions me to move
further along the passage

a large oak door appears
etched in the stone on the wall
beside the door odd-looking

symbols from unknown alphabets
I try to push the golden latch
on the handle but it

doesn't open a golden key
in the hand shines brightly
in the dark I step out

from inside the window opens
to the sea an enormous yacht
slowly moving towards

a mansion kings occupied
with rare riches and power:
I am promised a new sun

mybluehell · 05-06-2005, 10:48 AM

this reminds me of tomb raider or something. vivid scenery and nice flow, but once again i'm wishing i were more avant garde so i could understand what you're getting at. but, no matter, it's good anyway.

tj · 05-06-2005, 12:24 PM

is it a door or window they open? i cant tell. also i think it would read easier with commars.

hope this helps tj x

profrksingh · 08-12-2005, 12:18 AM

Hi, tj: I don't know this myself. There was no logic in the dream, nor could I impose one on my dream experience, but the symbols/imagery seemed to interpenetrate, creating a confusion of the kind I couldn't work out.

mybluehell, too, is justified in what has been commented, but, you will both agree the dream-stuffs are not easily understandable. When I read the poem myself, after a long gap, I find certain things very ambiguous: but the poem
does have its poetry one can feel.
R K