golden girl - Writers Forum

chaos · 03-14-2005, 10:43 PM

the road to hell is paved with
white houses
and blue skies.
2.5 children are chasing a ball
and every damn dog is a golden retriever.

stretched out on your neon beach towel
in your pink bikini
with your waxed legs
and cherry red pout,
you are eating a fourth of july cupcake.
red white and blue frosting and
a little candied flag,
an edible and delicious tribute to the men who
died so you could eat your cupcake in peace,
and later vomit it into your toilet,
while the scent of lilac air freshener
hangs heavy in the air
to mask more disturbing and visceral smells.

Inside, on the sterile white counters of
your parent's sterile white house, are
eleven more cupcakes, individually wrapped in
patriotic cellophane; a tribute to a holiday
that is meaningless to you in
your narcissistic quest to capture the last of
the evening sun's rays,
and make them a part of you.
tanned bulimic flawless summer goddess,
carcinogenic to the core.

so just lie there, future prom queen
with your twelve dollar sunglasses and your
crest white smile,
lie there until you die and rot and turn as green
as the mold on the soft white bread
in your clean checkered kitchen,
and keep telling yourself
that you know something of the world.

TheUberManlyMan · 03-14-2005, 11:50 PM

Wow! What an awesomely bitter poem! When I read the title, I had no idea that this was coming.

The opening with white homes and 2.5 children seems a bit overused, but it does its job. Plus, the poem definately picks up as it progresses.

I really liked the line about vomiting the cupcake. I thought the way you tied in the superficial patriotism with caring about your self-image.

In short, I think it was a wonderfully concise and well-stated commentary on the decline of today's modern society

**Penelope** · 03-14-2005, 11:58 PM

This is chock full of clichés and for all the right reasons. I took the vomiting of the cupcake to be a reference to binge and purge eating related to anorexia. Am I right? On the down side, you went a bit overboard but all in all, it's good.

chaos · 03-15-2005, 04:44 PM

penelope- yes the throwing up the cupcake refers to bulemia...and thanks for the comments

rcallaci · 03-15-2005, 06:25 PM

chaos

Sarcastic, biting and Oh so true. Men and women have died for her to be bored and superficial. She has that freedom to be that way and I woudln't want it any other way. I rather her throwing up cupcakes then lack of food. Good job

warm regards,
bob

Novicewriter · 03-15-2005, 10:18 PM

Chaos...I agree with Penelope...the cliches are in the right places... I really enjoyed reading it, especially the part about the future prom queen...

This poem hit home in so many ways....keep it up.

Novicewriter

mammamaia · 03-16-2005, 11:25 AM

awful stuff... and an awfully good take on it, awful as much of it is... but artfully so, all the same...

on to the 'b's and beyond... BRAVO, chaos!

definitely egregious fault-finding... good, however... i just kept liking more, never objecting [perhaps quite rightfully], since truth underlying viciousness was xcessive, yet zealous...

hugs, [alphabetically-obsessed] maia