Crying... boo hoo hoo - Writers Forum

salvothasock · 02-20-2005, 10:20 PM

crying, can you hear it
oh yeah babe
loud and hollow please
its a delicate and precise kind of balance
with a decent amount of praying
what does it amount to
before
and after
i was sad, gloomy, and lonely action man
then its happy and unproductive there to noon
if i go bye bye, will i sound off like i got a pair
or if i stay will my mind maintain balance

Scratches · 02-20-2005, 11:43 PM

Your writing is mean. It makes me feel as if I should know what's going on, but am too stupid. Your writing doesn't go easy on twerps like me.

I liek your language but I wish I knew the context, and the intention, and what you "got a pair" of...

riadohaed · 02-20-2005, 11:58 PM

i love how it slows down in the middle and builds back up.. the structure... niice. Its language is so plain yet still interesting... i like.

salvothasock · 02-21-2005, 11:55 PM

scratches, ive been striving for originality in all areas of my writings etc etc, i 'used to' love making movies, and i 'used to' love stanley kubrick, and i remember him saying something, i always found it the best policy to let the film speak for itself. let me know what you think this short piece meant to you, im curious...
radiohead, thanks for the input, i appreciate it much.. much, what a strange word...
thanks

soandso · 02-22-2005, 01:10 AM

I was rolling with the poem until I hit action. It was like hitting a wall. This is not a criticism, it was just my experience. I like the poem, but running into action freaked me out a bit. ( I hope this reply is not to weird..).

salvothasock · 02-22-2005, 01:31 AM

soandso,
interesting, yes, *puffs on tobacco pipe*, action, yes, hmm, no, not weird, very helpful, thanks

Scratches · 02-23-2005, 12:51 AM

I must be missing out on something, because it just couldn't mean anything to me. I want it to...

salvothasock · 02-23-2005, 02:02 PM

over excited, crying of madness,
not sad, not happy, right in between
i was once depressed
then it cleared up
thought of ending life early,
and now its a balancing act trying to maintain contentment and sanity

somethin like that, scratches...
thanks...

Scratches · 02-24-2005, 11:51 PM

Geez. Salvo my dear - never suck the life out of your work like that for mere mortals like me. How terrible. I'm sorry I moved you to do that. It's okay. It meant much to other people, and it was phrased wonderfully. So yes - never do that again! Please! My humblest apologies...