kerpoe

Okay, so this is once again rather abstract...

So tonight there will be a party
And after shall come cameras and the news
In the mastiff-mouth of the tenements
Mal de mer sailors of wounded Hudson
Will crawl into our city womb and drink…
And we shall be happy

Come one and come all!
Celestial bum of brume
Hipster of has-been
The cocoon is never full
Only empty
And we shall be empty

Bane of brood will fill our mouths of gray
Tender lip of ecru taste a dream
Touch the stele of crisp, burnt finger
Oh how comfortably the noose and pill looks
like the faded silver landing of the 6 o’clock news they are
tonight our souls will be hollow, throats burnt, carcass empty…

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Scratches

[quote="kerpoe"]
Bane of brood will fill our mouths of gray
Tender lip of ecru taste a dream
[quote]

I disliked how these were two consecutive nuggets of iambic pentameter in a basically freeverse poem. Otherwise this was a lot easier to read and comprehend than the last ones, and you didn't go crazy with the obscure namees.

I don't know - this seemed a bit redundant. If it's empty of course it's never full. I'm not sure what I'd rather see, though.

But once again you're a young mage of word order, and this poem mostly sat well with me.

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Never get so attached to a poem
you forget truth that lacks lyricism
and never draw so close to the heat
that you forget that you must eat
- En Gallop, Joanna Newsom

HerHero

"Touch the stele of crisp, burnt finger
Oh how comfortably the noose and pill looks "

loved that part

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kerpoe

thanks for the reviews guys

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