thehappyhobo

Now that's eight cokeheads I know
Huddled hawing in squalid corners.
's how it is, no?

No, not really, more shine than squallor
More butcher cleaving red raw meat until he strikes
A jewel poor beast choked at water

And now he's soiled in eyes
Of butcher. Red raw meat looks better now.
And though it changed, till soon it died
Twas still the same, forever cow.

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Eat me

AndyH

I love the 'red raw meat' line - both the alliteration and the fact the words taste like the object described. The rhyme is also subtle and stylish, especially 'corners - squallor - water'.

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"The greatest in life lies not through never falling, but rising every time we fall." - Nelson Mandela

Holls

The first line is fantastic! Really pulls the reader in.

I also like the raw meat line. Short, sweet and succinct.

Nice work!

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Give me ambiguity. Or give me something else.