autumn_whispers2me

I'm always writing something that I consider "prose." Yet so many tell me, "That's more like poetry." So, I broke something apart that I wrote and wonder now---is it poetry... and should I add this one to the "apalling poetry" thread? lol The punctuation really stinks, though (I don't write much poetry really).

Six Feet at Six

We are rare black roses bathed
In deepest red and kissed
By dusk before dreaming.
And I ask, am I truly asleep,
Or am I just now awakening?

__________________


"And in the din of midnight's passage the gunman walks remote---his pistol shot rents a thunderous lament beneath the hiss of the reaper's scythe." EMR

Londongrey

Hi Autumn,

I must say this was a little to cliche for me. Especially the last two lines.

Punctuation is punctuation whether it be in prose, story or poetry. The rules are exactly the same, don't confuse line breaks with punctuation.

I think your suggestion for this piece is right on point.

Sorry

Alex

__________________
You are only as dull as the light in the room you occupy, everything else is just hearsay - Me, about five minutes ago.

autumn_whispers2me

Okay. lol the blurb was taken out of context at any rate. I'm sure that probably has something to do with the cliche part. Although----I don't see the cliche in there anywhere. Maybe there's a cliche I've not heard yet? lol

__________________


"And in the din of midnight's passage the gunman walks remote---his pistol shot rents a thunderous lament beneath the hiss of the reaper's scythe." EMR

Londongrey

A cliche does not have to a simple phrase, it can be a word or image.

THe colour of red and black with a rose and a kiss with dreaming and the concept of awakening are all used non-stop in writing, making it cliche or I hate to say it unoriginal.

__________________
You are only as dull as the light in the room you occupy, everything else is just hearsay - Me, about five minutes ago.

autumn_whispers2me

The original "prose" this was extracted from had definite meaning with black roses (meaning the rare black/deepest red roses sold only from time to time--rare), the time of day (dusk), and the "kiss." That's what I mean by taken out of context---there was deeper meaning to those that go beyond just a sappy cliche. In other words--they weren't symbols. But taken out of context I guess it does become cliche.

There was a literal rose found only rarely, a gift to someone at dusk during a dream, and last kiss at a funeral. Like I said---it was taken completely out of context to test the waters on this poetry thing. Make sense?

__________________


"And in the din of midnight's passage the gunman walks remote---his pistol shot rents a thunderous lament beneath the hiss of the reaper's scythe." EMR

Londongrey

Totally, post your prose up!!! That sound kinda naughty!

__________________
You are only as dull as the light in the room you occupy, everything else is just hearsay - Me, about five minutes ago.

autumn_whispers2me

lol No, it's not naughty. It was about a death, actually. But see, now I've tested the waters and found them frigid....

(((sneaking quietly away)))

__________________


"And in the din of midnight's passage the gunman walks remote---his pistol shot rents a thunderous lament beneath the hiss of the reaper's scythe." EMR

Londongrey

Oh dear Lord

__________________
You are only as dull as the light in the room you occupy, everything else is just hearsay - Me, about five minutes ago.

autumn_whispers2me

Um. Huh?

__________________


"And in the din of midnight's passage the gunman walks remote---his pistol shot rents a thunderous lament beneath the hiss of the reaper's scythe." EMR

rashadow

autumn, I loved this poem.

Yes it is a cliche but still fresh for all of that. As poetry it was on point. Short and concise. A feeling or emotion condensed into as few words as possible. So as far as that goes this is poetry as true as true can be.

I would love to read the prose. Prose is a type a poetry not something altogether separate and/or different. Post some here. If you already have give me the links.

__________________
I think...therefore...

http://www.myspace.com/silenciobarnes

autumn_whispers2me

Thanks, ras.. Hopefully life will slow to 90 today so I can post more.

I appreciate the feedback.

Actually, some of the stuff I write is JUST to put content (something) with images on my web site. They have turned out to be---I don't know---something maybe? lol The below was NOT written as poetry, and I'm not sure that it is. But again... someone said, "Um... that's a poem." I didn't format it like poetry, but it's below......

Bayou Cemetary

Between the folds of dusk and dawn there waits in empathy, a bayou draped in clinging moss; unwanted destiny. Beside the moon there floats above the bayou garden grave, a trembling wisp of wing and claw; devoted nighttime slave.

Links to a few things:

http://www.thecorridors.com/frightmares10.html
http://www.thecorridors.com/frightmares4.html

..the precursor to a novel-in-the-works..
http://www.thecorridors.com/thebronzemask.html

__________________


"And in the din of midnight's passage the gunman walks remote---his pistol shot rents a thunderous lament beneath the hiss of the reaper's scythe." EMR

rashadow

Although the theme is pretty much the same for all of your works that I've read, they are all excellent pieces of prose poetry.

And anyone else who visits this post should check out those links. I especially liked the background music to one of em. I want to remix it and rhyme to it.

Good work autumn

__________________
I think...therefore...

http://www.myspace.com/silenciobarnes

autumn_whispers2me

Aw, thank you ras. You made my day. I've had a block for a while now and it rather eats away at my confidence. lol so thank you.

As for theme---most all of that was hastily written, and written with "halloween" in mind... hence the site motto. The Bronze Mask spoke to me more than the others, however, and it nagged at me for quite some time before I decided to go with that and turn it into something more.

__________________


"And in the din of midnight's passage the gunman walks remote---his pistol shot rents a thunderous lament beneath the hiss of the reaper's scythe." EMR