kerpoe

Oh yes the grass has grown loud,
Our purlieu in blunder of Chevrolet
And the docks of Veracruz has kissed the Erie

Tom Sawyer wields
His Mississippi claw and dregs
And beats the face of Holden Caulfield

He couldn’t handle the competition
Like Truman…who blew his iron blunderbuss
In the gut of Stalin, wounding his steel fist

Aether asphalt at Bowery
Smokes his brume and celestial bum through hollow alley eye
And waves to grandfather Greenwich

And Beetle fight Stone
Amongst the junk of lawn
And so the siege of the grass has grown loud

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Scratches

Sometimes I think your poems rely too much on timbre and proper pronouns. It stops meaning anything to me. That said, I loved the first line/title.

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Never get so attached to a poem
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and never draw so close to the heat
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kerpoe

Okay, thanks for the feedback Scratches!

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kerpoe

Do you think this piece (with the exception of the first line/title) is too timbre and relies too much on proper pro-nouns?

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Eiji Tunsinagi

I've got to agree with scratches there...I had to weed through all the - fluff (though I think that word is a bit harsh) to actually find the meat of the story - unless what you wanted was to evoke images more powerful than the actual plot of the story. But, it does sound kind of different/unique when you read through it - must be your style.

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kerpoe

Thanks Eija,
This is not exactly my style, my style is somewhat similar and yes it needs some trimming. I didn't really notice until I just read it out loud now how complicated the vocabulary is, I apologize for that and will substitute some of the words for less complicated words.

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kerpoe

there the imagery is as usual stronger than the plotline, but it is a little bit simpler to read through now.

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kerpoe

Thanks for the reviews Scratches and Eija...

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mammamaia

i loveya, kerp... you should know that by now... but this reads like your magnetic words all fell off and you put them back up on the fridge at random...

hugs, m

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kerpoe

hahaha! Well, the poem was supposed to be scattered, but I don't know if I wanted it to be that scattered.

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