kerpoe

You are the pane of my window
An eye of clarion, arabesque of sky
Bleeding outside inside
And bleeding my heart

You are the stele of my romance
The final imago of my bent heart
You are a blunderbuss of hollow
Blowing shells of empty on my naked porch

You are the shingle of my roof
And let us dance together there
And grasp our leaning torsos
Make me forget you are a ghost

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European_Son

Individually, I like some of the words used, in particular:

arabesque, blunderbuss, shingle

But overall I found this confusingly cliched.
Not bad though, just needs some polish.

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kerpoe

Thanks for the review European son.
If you don't mind me asking I'd like it if you were to point out the 'cliched' parts. Thanks though and cheers.

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European_Son

Personally I felt these lines were cliched and throwaway
and I also felt that while you had approached some of the ideas of romance(?) in a different and rather interesting way, it was a tad cliched, language wise.

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kerpoe

Alright thanks then!

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