The Holy Moly

Antsy
With
Anticipation

Hoping
For
A near donation

Dreaming
Of
Acceleration

Fearing
The
Failed realization

Writing
To
Relieve frustration

Ilan Bouchard

The first stanza was rather good, I thought, but then it went downward. The simple language didn't give much room for much meaning, so it didn't feel very fulfilling to read. That isn't to say simple language can't hold much meaning, but this didn't seem to fit too well.

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Ruthless comments encouraged!

The Holy Moly

I know. I do these silly, self-centered rhymes that only pertain to my life...so most of the time I think they only make sense to me. Not of much use to anyone else. One day, I'll move up.

Thanks for replying!

P.S. The background to this is...a possible deal to buy a TT Supra. But the deal is really too good to be true.

Tyson

I do have to agree with Ilan, it was a good start and has potential. The fact that not everybody can understand is up to them not you, they decide how it makes them feel, maybe its not the same feeling as yours, but thats poetry. I have to say that it made me think of someone who is hyper. I could use some work, but it is an expression of feelings and I can relate. I like it, not the best, but I like it simple and sweet. (sorry might sound like I am contradicting myself but I have mixed feelings)
Tyson

The Holy Moly

Thank you Tyson, I will keep that in mind!