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Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Poetry
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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 02-14-2005, 10:27 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2005
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crzywriter
Letting go

Destroy it. Have fun.


Thinly sliced razor sharp cut to the bone
fluid motion like water in the sea
big dark monster coming out to greet us
for what we did the gates to us are locked
no options left to us our fates are sealed
we have now only one destination.

Drip-drop liquid flows freely to the ground
stains the carpet like a stain upon life
undone destiny with one decision
the future now gone, the past unimportant
all that matters is here and now, right here.

Crying out but voices don’t carry far
the knot holding us in place breaks; we fall
the lifeline is gone, nowhere left to turn
now we can ponder what it was like
living out our petty dreams and our lies
now that we have done this, we are evil
followed only by clouds, sun frowns on us
dark clouds ever present shutting out the light.

Fall to the ground, never hurt so bad before
lying awake at night, darkness surrounds
back then it all seemed nothing, just a game
but now nightmare is reality
and you’ve none but yourself to blame.

Unnoticed now the seasons slowly change
summer becomes winter, season of death
but now winter won’t ever change to spring
spring will never come, the end of the world.

Try to get back up, just keep falling
keep calling out but no one’s there to hear
and none would care even if they heard it
nothing in the world worth moving on for
and there’s no safety net anymore
so endlessly you fall, there’s no bottom.

Memories surface, regret everything
want to take it back but it’s fading now
want to grab it; it’s falling out of reach
the tree has long been rotten deep inside
and when one strong breeze comes along, it falls
that’s what’s happened now, the strong breeze has come.
but no one’s there to help you, no one sees.

Darkness settles in, everything fading
nothing can be done now, nothing but think
think of happy times, summers at the beach
hanging with your friends, now out of reach
and now you are left to hang all alone.

The tide has come back out, not coming back in
sun has set and won’t ever rise again
bad life left behind, no need to come back
life drains away and happiness sinks in
finally it is all over, over
all the pain and the terror is now gone
it’s over you can finally come home
this time to a home where you’ll be welcome.

Sun will now rise in a happier place
the rain won’t ever fall now that you’re here
a strong young sapling, you’ll live forever.

Sun won’t ever set on unhappiness
smile upon your face, you’re completely free
nothing, no one can ever upset you
empty shell left on the ground discarded
you have found a better place to hide now
where you are no one will ever find you
and now that you’re gone, now you have moved on
you know you won’t be missed, no one cares
but now, now you’re here, you belong
and now there won’t be any going back, they
can’t bring you back, you were beyond all hope.

But that’s okay, you never wanted to
even less now, because now you are free.
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Old 02-14-2005, 11:27 PM   #2
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Neverfate
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Stanzas would be nice, as the main piece is just to bulky. The punctuation seems a little speratic at times, but maybe you could make stanzas after each period. A common mistake is that not every line has to be capatalized. Some parts are a little rough. Try reworking it. Good effort. Hope I could be of some help.
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Old 02-14-2005, 11:33 PM   #3
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crzywriter
Thanks for the input. Separated the stanzas and stuff. will rework them later...the middle of the night is really a lousy time to edit and rewrite well.

~Crzy
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