I can see you like grandeur...as do I.
But it seems a bit cliché. And unfocused. For example, "We'll float through the heavens and chase the tails of comets..", what does that mean? You speak of grandiose actions, and that's fine and dandy, but you also need to focus on motivation. What inner passion compels you to do such fantastic feats?
When you write a poem, you need a central idea in your mind, and it has to be tangible at least to you. The heavenly travels you speak of are beautiful imagery, but this imagery in turn must symbolize a metaphysical concept that ties your poem together. You've gone from physical words to mental image...now also go from image to idea. What are you trying to say? Through this poem, you are talking to me. Tell me something, and be sure that, by the end of the poem, I have an idea what it is.
Remember, a theme is not "love", "war", "money", etc. A theme is how sad it is to lose a loved one, what price one should pay for war, that money is in-and-of-itself empty, etc. You need an idea, love, and a direction, something you want to tell me about love.
