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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 02-10-2005, 08:18 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: In Another Land
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European_Son
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"It happened?"

Slowly fades in, this sight of the sea.
Golden glowing glistening watery substance,
Shimmer, liquid, shimmer, set sky on fire,
Swallow me whole, eat drink drown me alive.
This bay expands in all directions, growing,
Flowing thoughts in dreams, it seems my school
Has changed, rearranged landscape octennial.
This deep seated mirage memory returns that on sunny days
heat haze creates the illusion of an island in fields far flung.
Upon a search, heaped metal mountains appear to my left,
the washing machines and scraps of car, looking up
it doesn't seem far, so the girl and I, we climb to find

Lower school entrance replaced with corporate engine.
Feed and fatten philistine children with filthy food.
The Devil's Dictionary teaches devious diversionary
nutrient deficiant lessons, learning to buy into the chain.

I avoid this, and listen to her whispers.

(typos corrected)
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Old 02-15-2005, 08:42 PM   #2
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European_Son
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Is it really that bad?
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Old 02-15-2005, 08:48 PM   #3
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The Holy Moly
I have no idea.

My abstract thinking=0

You'll notice I stick to very tangible and rhymes.

Don't give up by any means! Someone will critique you I'm sure.
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Old 02-15-2005, 08:48 PM   #4
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Tyson
Intriquing, there were some things that I found that could be fixed, such as childen do you mean children? Also, there were quite a few sentances that I found ought to be combined. They seemed to be really long ones, but they made more sense combinded. It was an intresting read overall.
Ps: Sorry I didn't get to this sooner.
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