Upon a Time - Writers Forum

Farror · 02-09-2005, 09:18 PM

There was a hope,
a gentle fool’s hope,
a wistful past,
that fell apart,
there was once a way,
paved in gold and cloud.
Once upon a time,
not so far a time,
when rain was sweet
and flowers fragrant.
In glorified youth,
the past was,
and will never return.
Once upon a time,
not so far a time,
you held your love,
and you held mine.

Pawn · 02-10-2005, 02:26 AM

You're just a big romantic really, aren't you old boy?

This is certainly bitter sweet. For what it's worth, I definitely enjoyed it (we're all romantics at heart). I'm not sure how effective the repeated words are; they seem to work in the majority of lines.

Quote:

a wistful past,
that couldn’t last,

Predictably, I don't like that one bit.

Quote:

In glorified youth,
the past was,
and will never return.
Once upon a time,
not so far a time,
you held your love,
and you held mine.

Whilst 'glorified youth' isn't the most imaginative phrase, I nonetheless very much like these lines. 'and will never return' is an odd line (meter wise, I guess) but might just be my favourite moment of the poem. The last lines are a charming simplicity which puts a smile on my face.

Rather unremarkable in terms of vocabulary, but a good poem nontheless, I feel.

**Penelope** · 02-10-2005, 07:50 AM

I liked this too! We must be in a Valentine mood or something. *sigh* I found the vocabulary used worked well in presenting a wistful tone.

Farror · 02-10-2005, 11:00 AM

Thank you both, I'm glad you enjoyed it. And Pawn, that horrible little rhyme you spotted was unintentional. I'll have to get rid of that.

gordon · 02-10-2005, 08:26 PM

Nice write Farror
G

Farror · 02-14-2005, 12:29 PM

Thanks G, glad you liked it.

Gehanna · 02-14-2005, 12:31 PM

I enjoyed it very much

nae411 · 02-14-2005, 12:32 PM

Very a la Valentine, perfect for my mood today. Enjoyed these lines the most:

There was a hope,
a gentle fool’s hope,
a wistful past,
that fell apart,

We are all very romantically inclined today I see. Good!

Nae