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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 01-30-2005, 08:55 PM   #1
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cause and effect

We do not control it
Alter it or break it
In all of life's aspects
Instead follow a rule
One not taught in school
About certain cause and effects.

Like you and me
The whole galaxy
Comes from a specific cause
Don't even dare try
To inquire why
The answer is just 'because'.

Take any example
Or any new sample
And take a short time or two
Examine the thing
Until the morning
And you'll see that it's true.

That cause and effect
Indeed do impact
Everything under the sun
It also does too
Affect me and you
And from it you cannot run.

'The light that we see
The fish in the sea
The icy planet of pluto
The trees that are green
Water that's clean
Are all cause and effect?' Righto.

So stop there and ponder
Expand your wonder
And think of what you affect
The cause will be you
Your hair to your shoe
And don't you dare deny it!

P.S
The last one didnt rhyme
Im all out of time
To write that one properly
It might break the rules
of all poetry schools
But I don't care. Just sue me.
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Old 01-30-2005, 09:48 PM   #2
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Don't worry, I haven't seen a rule book on poetry yet. even if I did I wouldn't read it.

I like this poem, kinda sums up my view on life, we're here, enjoy it.

Barr
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Old 01-30-2005, 10:01 PM   #3
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That was fun. 'Righto' he sez, good one.

I think you could skip the 'PS' before the last stanza and trust your reader. nice.
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Old 01-31-2005, 09:20 AM   #4
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it's cute... but i hafta note that much of the rhyming is off, having been forced... a bit of time with a rhyming dictionary would turn up words that both work better in meaning and sound better when the poem's read aloud...

i like the rhyme scheme very much, but i think it would 'feel' better if the meter was also given some attention and a bit of tweaking where needed...

all in all, certainly worth some work to make it as could as it can be, imo... hugs, maia
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Old 01-31-2005, 02:48 PM   #5
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I would have to agree that the rhyming feels a bit forced. I would have prefered a little more showing instead of telling. Idea is nice just needs a little work.
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