Snow Song - Writers Forum

Rkay · 01-27-2005, 07:03 PM

I haven't been able to write much of late but here is a spontaneous write during a conversation with a friend as we spoke about the plus side of snow.... Hope you enjoy the words.

Snow Song

it's nice
sometimes..
just to hear
the wind,

the gently
falling
rain.......
even so

the flakes
of snow
snuggling
into the drift
outside
the door....

the sound
of snowflakes....
imagine we
being
very still
listening out
for its voice....

that corridor
where hearing
the gentle heaving
of breathing;
the wisps of breeze
through smooth hair -

a quietness
releasing
new sounds
songs rising
eventually
an awareness....
fresh, reviving.

this is the place
where hearts speak,
our souls meet.

solid_stream · 01-27-2005, 07:23 PM

That was spontaneous??? If it truly was, that's incredible! I doubt my spontaneous poetry could ever be that good. Not sure exactly what your definition of "spontaneous" is, but regardless of that, it's powerful.

I honestly think it was the punctuation that gave this piece its power. Good job with that, and overall, nice writing.

Rkay · 01-27-2005, 08:42 PM

Thanks Solid..... it makes my heart sing when there is a meeting of minds and hearts .....

Will read you soon,
Rkay

Quote:

Originally Posted by solid_stream

That was spontaneous??? If it truly was, that's incredible! I doubt my spontaneous poetry could ever be that good. Not sure exactly what your definition of "spontaneous" is, but regardless of that, it's powerful.

I honestly think it was the punctuation that gave this piece its power. Good job with that, and overall, nice writing.

Scratches · 01-29-2005, 07:14 AM

Damn it Rkay - very good, and how I miss the snow that we only had for one day. It was magical and this poem makes me long for its return even more. Roll on Summer to move it from my mind

americanwriter · 01-29-2005, 08:51 AM

Scratches, we got a new batch of snow here last night. I'll email a bit of it to ya. How does one go about attaching snowflakes?

Rkay,

This is wonderful. I enjoyed it very much. I don't read a ton of poetry, but it has a very simple and clean voice to it, and its something most everyone can relate to.

AndyH · 01-29-2005, 03:54 PM

I love the voice of this poem, so raw and conversational, and the snow air is described in a sonically beautiful way through the 'gentle heaving of breathing', soft sounds giving a sense of soft-falling snow.

However, I didn't like the ending as much, it seemed a bit hackneyed. I would leave the last stanza out. The rest is perfect. Well done.

galrium · 01-29-2005, 04:17 PM

Reading this poem made me look outside at all that white, and appreciate it better. It makes you look past the cold, and look at the beauty.

And I agree with solid - the punctuation is something that makes it flow and seem more peaceful.

^^ Thanks for the great read.

Pawn · 01-29-2005, 04:20 PM

Sometimes spontaneity can produce some sincerely touching little pieces. Goes without saying that I enjoyed this: peacefully charmed and touched by beauty.

Rkay · 01-30-2005, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scratches

Damn it Rkay - very good, and how I miss the snow that we only had for one day. It was magical and this poem makes me long for its return even more. Roll on Summer to move it from my mind

Thanks Scratches - I have yet to get a good snow day myself.... hehehe

Rkay · 01-30-2005, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by americanwriter

Rkay,
This is wonderful. I enjoyed it very much. I don't read a ton of poetry, but it has a very simple and clean voice to it, and its something most everyone can relate to.

Hey AW,
it's great to hear from you. First time I believe.
SO glad you enjoyed this poem. It was a simple and pure convo that brought it out....
Thanks,
Rkay

Rkay · 01-30-2005, 07:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AndyH

I love the voice of this poem, so raw and conversational, and the snow air is described in a sonically beautiful way through the 'gentle heaving of breathing', soft sounds giving a sense of soft-falling snow.

However, I didn't like the ending as much, it seemed a bit hackneyed. I would leave the last stanza out. The rest is perfect. Well done.

I will have to agree with you.... it's like an 'editor's explanatory note' that just could get very much in the way.... Thanks for noting that. ANd I suppose it got put there because it was written from out of the context of an actual conversation.....

win some, lose some....

Rkay · 01-30-2005, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by galrium

Reading this poem made me look outside at all that white, and appreciate it better. It makes you look past the cold, and look at the beauty.

And I agree with solid - the punctuation is something that makes it flow and seem more peaceful.

^^ Thanks for the great read.

IT's really humbling when something you create actually touches other's lives in some way .....

Thanks for your response,
Rkay

Rkay · 01-30-2005, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pawn

Sometimes spontaneity can produce some sincerely touching little pieces. Goes without saying that I enjoyed this: peacefully charmed and touched by beauty.

Thanks Pawn.... Have you got any prawn cocktail sandwiches left over?

Pawn · 01-30-2005, 10:12 AM

Nope, but I'm about to head into town to catch a matinee, so I'll pick one up for you. Thanks for reminding me how much I like them..

(I recently walked into our shared kitchen to find an acquintance cooking lobster. I mean really, call themselves students...)

Rkay · 04-21-2006, 09:47 AM

Now that spring is here for the northern hemisphere
it's time to park this poem again - as it is a bit early
for snow down here in the south.