Advice? Hmm, many of the periods used created fragments in lines that should be extended for clarity.
As in here:
"
Unravel this noose.
Around my neck. "
Though it could just be the style your using, it doesn't work well when read or spoken.
"
Unlock my heart.
With bittersweet kisses. "
Same thing as previously mentioned applies here.
A period denotes stopping. In poetry that says a lot and should be used with caution. It obstructs flow and can create confusion when you start another sentence.
Some meter problems could be fixed. I can understand a descriptive first stanza, but the other stanzas do not do for me what they should, possibly by their brevity.
Comma's in place of some of the periods could really add to your piece's rhythm. Over all it is just punctuation you need to work out (but that's just to satisfy my tastes
).
Keep writing
