Postmodernlove

**I hope this one is a bit clearer than the last**


Don’t delay my heart


Part I

You dare to pass me
With fragrant lips
Sunny hips
And unrelenting beauty

Who is to say
That I (most enthralled by your presence)
Am ample more than most in this fickle play
To taste and toast upon thy beauty essence

Please! Oh, please! Don’t delay my heart
From wondrous encounters
Whilst I play this pleasant part
And dance on lively embers

Part II

How many times must I lay
With you embraced, and
Commit
These mortal crimes
For I which I must pay
In the brimstone pit

How much longer must you delay
(My heart’s all a flutter and flit)
To acquire that freshness of the day
To be once truly loved--and quit
My worldly standings in this play
Of sin, blasphemy, and spit

I beseech thee to not prey
Upon my feverish kit
But to your heart, weigh
The quality of its knit

_underscore

Who is to say
That I (most enthralled by your presence)
Are ample more than most in this fickle play
To taste and toast upon they beauty essence

Im not sure about the words in this stanza, like ample and "upon they beauty essence"



It is a nice poem, im not a big fan of fancy words but it gives it a nice feel. The ending was very good.

QuintetBlue

I like the way this flows, and the phrase 'unrelenting beauty' carries with it the tone of the entire poem.

I don't know why, exactly, but I like the way this sounds.

Was the 'they' here a mistype? Did you mean 'the' or 'their'? If not, the usage of this word here doesn't seem correct.

I like this as the ending, but for some reason, the 'thee' seems out of place with the yous and the yours, the mys, and etc.

Good one! I really enjoyed this. It had a lovely cadence and a very sultry message. It was very prettily written, and I look forward to reading more of you work.

Postmodernlove

Yeah, upon further inspections, it has some typos. But I'm glad you both like
it. I enjoyed writing it, very much so.