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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 01-17-2005, 06:04 PM   #1
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secret guardian

From the shadows, I watch you sleep.
In silent darkness, your calm enchants me.
I will be your secret guardian to keep.
Seeing that you are safe, I leave you be.
Closing my eyes, I fade from your side.
Reappearing half way round the world in my bed
One day you might my be lawful wedded bride.
My token of love to you is roses, bright and red.

fixed
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Old 01-17-2005, 06:13 PM   #2
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its good

Take the extra lines out, and figure something to do with line seven, because It doesn't read to well out loud. Line 2 clam, or calm?

By the way it is good.
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Old 01-17-2005, 06:18 PM   #3
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Maybe tittle it this: Secret Guardian To Keep
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