My first haiku... - Writers Forum

creeping_minx · 01-03-2005, 05:30 PM

In the depths,
never ending flow
days that roll

WordBeast · 01-03-2005, 06:10 PM

creeping minx, the theme of your haiku is interesting and has potential, I think. Just as a suggestion, you may want to write it in traditional haiku form, which is:

Line 1: 5 syllables.
Line 2: 7 syllables.
Line 3: 5 syllables.

WB :>

**Penelope** · 01-03-2005, 06:49 PM

As someone who has been investigating (and writing) haiku and senryu for just over a year and a half, I've discovered that the syllable count can be less than 17 as long as the middle line contains more. Brevity is appreciated in this poetry form as long as a clear image is conveyed. Capital letters aren't used except in specifics which require them. Like months.

Now, about the content. never ending days that roll bring to mind a season. summer which is also good haiku - you allow the reader to create their own image instead of painting a picture. That's okay too but would be better if you conveyed your impression a bit more in depth.

As an example: here is one of my summer haiku

dragon boats drumming
carried over the heat waves
in summer harbours

This haiku is particularly pleasing to me because I can reverse the first and last lines and still have it make sense. there is also a word play going on with heat waves and water waves and sound waves - triple header which delighted me too. Happy Haiku-ing!

die_daily · 01-03-2005, 06:52 PM

it isn't mandatory that haiku be 5-7-5.
but if you WANT to be technical,

17 syllables and under is acceptable.
haiku has to have a nature word
haiku has to have two parts.

there you go. have fun.

creeping_minx · 01-03-2005, 07:24 PM

Thanks everyone.

To be honest I hadn't really encountered haiku before I joined this place. I wasn't really sure of the 'rules'

I will definitely take on board the suggestions and advice.

Again thanks.

Creeping_minx