could be a good poem, but not a sonnet, 'less you divide into stanzas and pay attention to the number of line accents and the rhyme scheme...
here's the format for sonnets:
2. A poem of fourteen lines, -- two stanzas, called the
octave, being of four verses each, and two stanzas, called
the sestet, of three verses each, the rhymes being
adjusted by a particular rule.
Note: In the proper sonnet each line has five accents, and
the octave has but two rhymes, the second, third,
sixth, and seventh lines being of one rhyme, and the
first, fourth, fifth, and eighth being of another. In
the sestet there are sometimes two and sometimes three
rhymes; but in some way its two stazas rhyme together.
Often the three lines of the first stanza rhyme
severally with the three lines of the second. In
Shakespeare's sonnets, the first twelve lines rhymed
alternately, and the last two rhyme together.
-------------------------------------------
Tonight I heard of the love you spoke,
But alas, to me 'twas not your intent,
O, the pain you caused me, my heart had broke,
Your oblivion is deep my repent.
... above line makes no sense to me...
Though I give gratitude, I am jaundice,
...did you mean 'jaundiceD' as in 'yellow'?
For your lover hath earned your devotion,
He is obliged, though I covet thy kiss,
With desire as vast as the ocean.
I'm doubtful, though I see his love is true,
A reflection off your undeceived eyes,
...'off'?... or 'of'?...
Following me he stands, you stare anew,
At my skeptic friendship he so defies.
...'skepticAL'?...
My love for you controls hatred ill-used,
Tempted sabotage, inducement refused.
...much of this doesn't make sense and i think you need to make sure the wording you use is really meaning what you want to say...
...that 'ruthless' enough forya?... hope it's helpful, as well
... love and hugs, maia
