"Upon Their Knees... "(poetry) - Writers Forum

Ralizah · 12-09-2004, 05:58 PM

Well, I decided to try a different form of writing for this poem. It took me awhile to write. Tell me what you think.

Poor in spirit, far apart do they succeed
From themselves -- trapped within their own shadows
Entangled by the black webs of deceit --
They fall upon their knees and kill their souls.

Pledging allegiance, subservience defined by ignorance;
Together do they walk hand-in-hand with doom
A frigid intolerance plastering their hearts --
Trapped within ice they fall upon their knees.

They beckon lie to truth
Yet betray both by denying all
In the name of that which propells their own destruction --
Rotting within their souls they fall upon their knees.

They cry of horrors they wish not to exist
Yet stand within that shattered mirror
Reflecting the evil as good, and the good as evil --
Dying as the sun they fall upon their knees.

Their minds belie heretics as those shards clatter to the ground
Further do they spread -- Further does it come apart.
Their hearts and souls defy all sight before the retreating glass,
And twist themselves apart to follow them as they further --
In such agony they fall upon their knees.

To the ends of the Earth the shards do scatter
All connections betrayed lest the determined souls of hollow stay true
Mangled in spirit, fluttering lifelessly within the winds of life --
Sadly, they fall upon their knees.

'Ephemeral tranquility besets all,' says the man with the gun
Gun lying within an inaudible aria --
Words becoming bullets piercing the thickest of skin
'The form of the heart is the form of all,' says he --
In delusion they had fallen to their knees.

'Give your mind to the all,' says he
'Present the Lord with your most unworthy gift'
The reason of life denies all that is self-serving to them --
In righteous immorality they had fallen to their knees.

'Give Him your broken hearts and your petty failures:
Sell Him all that is of your soul,' says he
The words he speaks form one matter
And imply meaning of another -
In pity of themselves they had fallen to their knees.

'Deny all that pleasures you: Pain is moral
Fear the Lord, for fear is moral and all that is of you
Deny your reason and your ego,' says he --
As lambs they had fallen upon their knees.

'Trade your pride for lowliness, for pride is immoral
Trade your joy for humble sadness,
For joy that is not of the Lord is immoral
Damn all that is Earthly,
For what is of Earthly origins is immoral,' says he --
As victims of theft they had fallen upon their knees.

'Deny what is reason, for reason is nothing,
And belief is everything
Reason is immoral: it is Earthly,
And cannot comprehend the Lord,' says he
They die steadily,
the gore of the carnage visible only to the untouched eye --
In their emptiness they had fallen upon their knees.

They sit as dolls, eyes mocking the existence of life
They live and talk as humans, yet their words become mute
To the ears of true --
Knowing not how to act they fall upon their knees.

**Penelope** · 12-10-2004, 11:51 AM

Trying a different style of poetry is always a good idea. This read like scripture and therefore was a bit weighty. I really liked the irony of the unknowing falling to their knees in the final line. Very witty considering the content up until then. There was a biting tone throughout and some skillful rhyming at times. It was enjoyable enough to read more than once. However, it did not promote any independent thoughts on my part. Perhaps it's because you are preaching to the converted?

Ralizah · 12-10-2004, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Penelope

Trying a different style of poetry is always a good idea. This read like scripture and therefore was a bit weighty. I really liked the irony of the unknowing falling to their knees in the final line. Very witty considering the content up until then. There was a biting tone throughout and some skillful rhyming at times. It was enjoyable enough to read more than once. However, it did not promote any independent thoughts on my part. Perhaps it's because you are preaching to the converted?

Thanks for your comments.
Well, this one wasn't meant to inspire thought like most of my works are; rather, it's a complimentary piece to a story I'm writing. THAT one is the one which is meant to inspire thought, because it meditates not only on the consequences but the conditions that lead up to the consequences, whereas this is more of a general reflection of the consequences.
Mainly, it was an excuse to try my hand at a new style of poetry.