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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 12-08-2004, 07:29 PM   #1
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Smurf Mamita
Tears

I was near tears when I wrote this...then I did cry...so if it's bad, tell me nicely please...

Going to cry
Tears about to stream
Swallow real hard
Make the lump go away
Close eyes tight
Bite lip til it's bleeding
No tears here
Tears come anyway
One, two, then three
Salty streaks down face
Wipe tears off
No reason to tear
Cheeks moist

Yeah...I had to cry alone in my room for a little while...
Suggestions? Comments?
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Old 12-08-2004, 07:56 PM   #2
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Penelope is an unknown quantity at this point
You know what? It's no crime to cry. No one has gotten thrown in jail or fined for crying. I won't tell you that crying makes one feel better because it always makes me feel like a wrung out dish rag but ... if you have tears .. they are there for a reason.

The poem. I think I would have been a bit harsh in reviewing it but I just don't have the heart to do so with all of your explanations. I'd suggest you try using the poem's words to convey that next time. Was that gentle enough? God .. please say yes .. I'm kinda fragile right now myself.
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Old 12-08-2004, 07:59 PM   #3
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That was actually too gentle!! LOL!!! I think by reading everyone's harsher reviews on everything else made me a little bit tougher!!! LOL.

Thanks.
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Old 12-08-2004, 08:05 PM   #4
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It would suck if someone had chronic crying disorder and couldnt stop crying....so they had to be euthinized...actually that would be hillarious!! ...ok I'm done.
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Old 12-08-2004, 08:24 PM   #5
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Smurf Mamita
lol
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