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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
12-02-2004, 12:50 PM
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#1
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Forum Hottie
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,522
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Dare
You set me up
Make me tense
Apprehensive
vulnerable
And then silence…
You make me hot
Teasing me
Seducing me
Making me anxious
And then disappear…
You awaken my body
I desire you
fantasize about you
Lust for you
then you wait at a distance…
Listen up
Stay the course
Keep your focus
Draw near
See it through…
Do what you came here for
Quench my desires
Fulfill my fantasies
Seduce me
And then do it again, if you dare…
__________________
Years of practice only to find, practice is for amateurs. Live life without a script...
Renae L. Soler
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12-02-2004, 03:06 PM
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#2
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Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: New York
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,223
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What a hot lady poet you be. Your poem had me sizziling and not a shower in sight. Great stuff
warmest regards,
bob
__________________
Nature weeps, the devil sings
at man’s greed and pride
and what it brings
Just lots of useless
little things…
God is Dead; He died yesterday from Nothing...
http://theoddvillepress.com
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12-02-2004, 03:08 PM
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#3
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Forum Hottie
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,522
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Funny you should say that. I have a poem called "Sizzling Shower" but I can't post it here. If you are interested I can PM it. But I warn you it is way, way, way out there. Discretion needed. *** 18 and over only ***
__________________
Years of practice only to find, practice is for amateurs. Live life without a script...
Renae L. Soler
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12-02-2004, 04:54 PM
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#4
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Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: New York
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,223
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nae
PM me the poem it sounds like a funky fun peice
warm regards,
bob
__________________
Nature weeps, the devil sings
at man’s greed and pride
and what it brings
Just lots of useless
little things…
God is Dead; He died yesterday from Nothing...
http://theoddvillepress.com
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12-02-2004, 05:26 PM
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#5
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: I Don't Even Know Where I Am...dammit...
Posts: 428
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wow! awesome poem. I really liked it.
Would you mind PMing the poem to me as well??
__________________
Papeles son papeles
Cartas son cartas
Y las palabras de hombres
Siempre son FALSAS!!!!
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12-02-2004, 07:53 PM
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#6
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Forum Hottie
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,522
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Thank you little Smurf, I am happy you enjoyed!
Nae
__________________
Years of practice only to find, practice is for amateurs. Live life without a script...
Renae L. Soler
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12-02-2004, 07:58 PM
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#7
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: philippines
Gender: Male
Posts: 248
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Oh yeah! You're one hot Mama, Nae LOL!
I loved this. 'and then do it again' line was like ordering the reader to read your poem over and over again, well that's what I did...
Beautiful my friend.
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Reality and love are always contradictory for me! ~Before Sunset
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12-02-2004, 08:06 PM
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#8
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Writer
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: West Virgina
Posts: 34
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There is only one word for that poem and that is ''Sexy'', and believe me, it couldn't get any better than that.
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''She's the sort of woman who almost makes you want to bury her free, and neatly too.''
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12-02-2004, 08:12 PM
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#9
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Scribe
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: brunswick, australia
Posts: 55
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i quite like the idea behind this poem - i too found it to be a sizzler, although the cliches in it brought me down. i think that staying away from generalizations is a good idea in poetry. these kind of lines weaken it, in my opinion:
Listen up
Stay the course
Keep your focus
Draw near
See it through…
__________________
myron lysenko
brunswick, australia
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12-02-2004, 09:32 PM
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#10
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: ENGLAND
Posts: 1,727
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Nae this makes no sense as you read it he`s here he`s gone or she whichever
Why leave ?
If its a fantasy does he she know?
Do you see my problem here the poem wanders without sense or purpose
OK its Disney sex but thats it lots of clichés and some weak verse
G
__________________
One thing in life is certain you wont get out alive
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12-02-2004, 09:34 PM
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#11
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: ENGLAND
Posts: 1,727
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The 4th verse in particular makes no sense how can you tell a fantasy to stay the course very worrying?
G
__________________
One thing in life is certain you wont get out alive
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12-02-2004, 09:40 PM
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#12
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Scribe
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 56
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nae
Enjoyed it much. I found the short line length work well to emphaise the suspense and sexual tension. In all it made me want to go to bed early---very early 
Sharyn Pierce
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SharynPierce
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12-02-2004, 09:45 PM
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#13
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Forum Hottie
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,522
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Ok Gordon, It is not a fantasy per say. I am sorry it makes no sense to you. I guess I have too much of it in my mind and did not do a good job putting pen to paper/computer, you know what I mean. What I am trying to say is, He/she plays the game, gets me worked up and ready, and then backs down or shies away. It has become a continual struggle to see it through, finish what is left lingering. So it is my protest to finish whats been started. Hope this helps but I sense it won't make a difference. There are just some things we don't like and this is obviously one of them for you. Oh one more thing, since I am Miss Disney in your book I am so tempted to show you more, but I am scared of your response. You humor me. Thank you for reading and commenting. I always enjoy reading you.
Nae
__________________
Years of practice only to find, practice is for amateurs. Live life without a script...
Renae L. Soler
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12-02-2004, 09:48 PM
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#14
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Forum Hottie
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,522
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Peter thank you friend. I like being a hot mama!
Sairycamp, sexy is a good word. Thank you so much!
Welcome to the forums!
Myron, I agree about the cliche's, it was my way of saying, forget all the crap and get to the point. Thank you so much for reading.
Sharyn, hope you have a good night's rest, lol.
Thank you! ;0)
Nae
__________________
Years of practice only to find, practice is for amateurs. Live life without a script...
Renae L. Soler
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