An Urge to Kill - Writers Forum

Jp · 10-27-2004, 11:37 PM

My urge to kill eternity,
and move on with Emily
Leaves no room for an ending.

I'm forfeiting our everything,
sorry for not informing you.

It's maddening, and always something new

An urge to kill the someday brings
beautiful downgraded dreams
screaming into the blue.

An urge to kill the someday seems
youthful, complicated, and new.

**Penelope** · 10-28-2004, 10:05 AM

What I noticed with this poem was the number of words ending in 'ing'. It sort of threw me off track as I began to count them. I found the first stanza engaging but it went downhill from there. Almost like it spiraled off into your thoughts. ??

Jp · 10-28-2004, 10:07 AM

not one of my better works....

**Penelope** · 10-28-2004, 10:11 AM

phew - glad you agree. However, the first stanza brought to mind a painting by Monet - one of his wife Camille. I think this has a lot of potential.

Jp · 10-28-2004, 10:14 AM

It could have p-o-t-e-n-t-i-a-l