Flyk

This poem practically killed me to write! It took me forever to get the third stanza to a standard that I thought was reasonable, and the last stanza is particularly uninspired. It was a little something that I wrote in class one day, where we were given a choice of ten titles and had to write a poem for one, so this is what I chose. According to one of my friends, this is my best poem. I'm not so sure... There's a lot of things I'm unhappy about with it, but that's just me.

Meh... I'm rambling now. Better get on with the poem...


[||: Tell Summer that I died :||]


ζ Paint my rainbow black;
a splash of grey,
a streak of white.
Take the sun down from the sky
and turn the earth to darkest night.


ζ Colour my mind in autumn shades;
a scribble of red,
a smudge of gold.
Let the wind blow through the trees
though its breath be harsh and cold.


ζ Shower my world with starlit rain;
a stroke of silv’r,
a brush of pearl.
May the heav’ns tears bestowed
Rejoin the ocean’s ceaseless whirl.


ζ Paint my rainbow black;
a splash of white,
a streak of grey.
Tell Summer that I died,
and that my spirit’s gone away.

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[||: I am Flyk |]

Shaun1138

good use of some language.....i liked it.

S.

Pawn

Not badly written, simple-strong imagery, but plagued with false grandeur.

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ostersauce

I love the poem, but I think I agree with Pawn. It would read better as a eulogy with all the grandeur. That's really not a criticism, though - it's just stylistic.

Flyk

Thanks for the comments. I'm still doing some work on it, and I'm planning to change the last stanza in particular. After reading through it a few more times, I've decided that I really don't like it.

This is one of my few rhyming poems. Personally, I don't like using rhyme as a technique. When I do, it normally sounds forced to me/ doesn’t go as smoothly as I’d like it to.

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[||: I am Flyk |]