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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 09-25-2004, 11:52 AM   #1
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Baggins
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Anyone else ever in a daze?

Hey there, please find below a poems I wrote a few years ago, I prefer writing prose more so but now and then a poem will emerge but I know not how good or bad they might be as such, any comments will be much appreciated.....take care everyone and keep writing!


In a daze

It’s days like these
That don’t pass with ease
They just drift away
Nothing much to say
No one to tell
Nowhere to go
Just spending time
In a daze
It’s all a haze
Of not much at all
Can’t hear your call when,
In a daze
Stuck in this maze
Feeling trapped
Nowhere to turn
When will it end?
Can I break free?
From these ways
I’m not asleep
Nor awake
Nor even in between
So what?
I’m in a daze

I hate these days
When dreams seem
Forever away
Slipping grasp
When a loud thud
Hits the ground
No sound
Makes me think
Hoping with the next blink
It’s all over
Yet it passes not
Until the days end
When night is gone
The end of the maze
Comes to me
Pains will vanish
Revealing their wounds
This daze is gone
But the hurt inside
Brings thoughts of mine
Lets ride
Down through cities of hell
Rivers of nothingness
Flowing, deliver me home

The daze exists
Awareness rises
Things can be grim
Chances slim
Looking through time
And space
Feeling their emptiness
But when it leaves
I can feel the life
Returning through windows
Pouring in
The daze now distant
In memory
Yet still in time
Unreachable
Not here
Or there
But everywhere
Ready to catch,
Unawares
Ready to Pounce,
On any prey
What is its purpose?
An interesting day.
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Old 09-25-2004, 03:15 PM   #2
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rainbow
sweet poem, but try making it a bit more complex and thought provoking?
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Old 09-25-2004, 04:12 PM   #3
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...

Absurdly dull and predictable rhyming. Ineffective repetition of 'daze' getting more and more boring. I suggest you stop rhyming unless you can do it in an interesting way, and look for more variance in your words. A thesaurus would probably do you good.
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