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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
08-05-2004, 07:25 PM
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#1
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Mentor
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,776
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Saying Goodbye
Old friend, how could you have slipped away
As shadows faded at dawn of day
And I blissfully unaware
In slumber lay?
When last we met and shared some wine
Laughed together, feeling fine
How could we not know
It was our last?
We talked of this and some of that
And watched the sunset whle we sat
Never dreaming for a moment
We would part
We reminisced of days gone by
And of how the years seem to fly
All the while not knowing
You would die
Now I stand alone to grieve
Not believing you would leave
Without stopping first to say
Goodbye
When the landlord in the sky
Hands you the key as you fly by
Remember...and reserve a room
For me
__________________
To a Sr. Citizen, age is an attitude, not a number...To the young, attitude will get you fired!
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08-05-2004, 09:28 PM
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#2
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Forum Hottie
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,522
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Bea
OH My Bea,
This brought memories flooding back. What a wonderfully sad poem. You have captured so much in this. I love your way with words. Beautiful!!!
Nae
__________________
Years of practice only to find, practice is for amateurs. Live life without a script...
Renae L. Soler
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08-05-2004, 09:58 PM
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#3
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Scribe
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Brisbane Aus
Posts: 53
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Great poem BB. Loved the format and rhyme. Great variation on stanza structure. Soft and soulful. Word perfect. cheers mick
__________________
If you can't laugh at yourself, you may as well laugh at some one else.
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08-05-2004, 11:54 PM
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#4
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Mentor
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,776
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Thanks Nae...This was my first venture into this rhyme scheme...exactly the way it popped into my head! 
__________________
To a Sr. Citizen, age is an attitude, not a number...To the young, attitude will get you fired!
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08-06-2004, 04:21 AM
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#5
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Unsettled
Gender: Male
Posts: 309
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I clearly felt your heart was in it. It's very sad.
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08-06-2004, 08:24 AM
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#6
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WF Supporter!
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Vancouver - Canada
Posts: 8,904
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The wistful tone of this poem saves it from being maudlin Bea. The shift in style is wonderful too.
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08-06-2004, 10:34 AM
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#7
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Best Seller
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Kingsbury
Posts: 722
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I agree with Tigger there...I like the shift in style. Started out kind of sad and then moved onto hopefulness (?) in the end. A good read! 
--Wol
__________________
"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it."
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08-07-2004, 02:37 AM
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#8
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Mentor
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,776
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Thank you all so much for your comments. Smithy...welcome to the forums.
Pen, Martin and Wol (nice to see you back Aubrey)
I had been experimenting with this rhyme scheme for a while, but it didn't click until now. Just popped right out of my head! 
Bea
__________________
To a Sr. Citizen, age is an attitude, not a number...To the young, attitude will get you fired!
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