ink stained dreamer

[an:e61116ca52] I know it's not like the last one I posted; this is more recent and I was going for a different style. Open for lots of comments.[/an:e61116ca52]

A Kingdom No Longer Mine

Hollow words
Empty days
What do I see before me?
A broken heart
Beats within
My crumbled fortress
of hurt and shame.
Clouded eyes survey the plain
torn apart by steely tears.
How I hate
what I've become
I had a path
Filled with dreams
Plans that were a veil.
It is now ripped away
As I find relief
in my exposure.
And feel anguish
in my helplessness.

__________________
*ink*

"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection." ~Anais Nin

my peachy gurl from- http://www.avatarity.com

kryar

Inkstained,

I think there is a certain lyrical quality to your poetry. The words are somewhat haunting and revealing. Interesting piece. Thank you!

santiago

__________________
Yo quiero más que Taco Bell...

ink stained dreamer

Kryar,
Wow. Thank you for your words. I was writing exactly what I was feeling at that moment. Dealing with pain in poetic terms is therapy for me.
So again, thank you for reading.

ttyl.

__________________
*ink*

"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection." ~Anais Nin

my peachy gurl from- http://www.avatarity.com

Cora Windover

=^..^= very very good... some issues, thought ~.^ as usual!

I had path
Filled with dreams
Plans that were a veil.

(too lazy to quote)

I had path.... ouch it's okay to say I had a path, heh it might bend the rhythm a bit but "I had path" is worse.

Plans that were a veil.... enh me no likey. I like the idea, don't like the way it's presented.

Too tired, can't think of a way to say it better... you're the ink stained, you fix it.

__________________
Your father may be father to all the boys, but still...
He's not the man who sired you; so marry who ye will.

Proliffick ~.^

ink stained dreamer

The "I had path" line...was a typo Thanks for pointing it out *runs to edit*

I wavered between the line you see here and

Filled with plans
Dreams that were a veil.

Probably doesn't make a difference; what do you think? Otherwise I don't know how to change it.
Thanks again chica! ttyl.

__________________
*ink*

"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection." ~Anais Nin

my peachy gurl from- http://www.avatarity.com

Cora Windover

hm either of them goes... but X that was an X.... that's not a good setup. SOmething like

My dreams were just a veil

I dunno it sounds better =^..^=

__________________
Your father may be father to all the boys, but still...
He's not the man who sired you; so marry who ye will.

Proliffick ~.^