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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
05-26-2004, 02:05 PM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 367
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The Kiss
The Kiss 1-12-98
Now sweet lover
drawn nearer still
To my trembling arms,
that has waited an eternity
for a chance to hold,
if for only an instant,
you. Serenely beautiful
sensuous magic grips me
and captures my soul. I am
surrendering myself to
the depths of your eyes,
giving into the heat of your
skin, driven by the light
embrace which grows in
passionate strength, till you
are mine. Our hearts beat
against each other – rhythmic
As time halts and eternity ends
my lips touch yours and I die
a sweet slow death, tasting the
delicious poison that is love
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05-26-2004, 06:20 PM
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#2
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Best Seller
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Oregon again
Gender: Female
Posts: 744
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I liked it. It was sweet and passionate. Only problem was the was you formatted it? Periods and commas in the middle of lines makes it kind of jerky.
__________________
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. -Sarah Williams
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05-26-2004, 08:15 PM
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#3
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 367
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Hi...
I have often wondered why I decided to format the poem the way I did. I knew that someone would comment on that fact as soon as I posted it. Well... the more I thought about it, I realized that it kind of flows the way a really good kiss does. It leads you effortlessly, stopping and starting, changing direction unexpectedly, letting you discover something new and pleasant in the twists and when you reach the end you still end up with a smile on your face...
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05-27-2004, 07:33 AM
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#4
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Penguin-in-Chief
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Edinburgh
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,530
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Good. Even if you did come rather close to stealing my title!
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06-03-2004, 03:52 PM
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#5
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Forum Hottie
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,522
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the kiss
Great poem, and wonderful comment!
__________________
Years of practice only to find, practice is for amateurs. Live life without a script...
Renae L. Soler
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06-03-2004, 03:59 PM
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#6
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Addict
Join Date: Jun 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 124
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very passionate and in depth I loved it
Cathy
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Catherine Sawyer
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06-03-2004, 04:25 PM
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#7
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Muskogee, Oklahoma
Posts: 357
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Alpha
nice poem. I won't do a line by line. Though I am a stickler for proper puncuation and flow, I feel that bad punctuation is okay if it has a purpose. Which yours does. So thanks for sharing with the rest of us.
santiago
__________________
Yo quiero más que Taco Bell...
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06-03-2004, 04:28 PM
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#8
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 367
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Thanks. Especially having read your submissions.
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06-03-2004, 04:35 PM
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#9
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Muskogee, Oklahoma
Posts: 357
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Alpha,
My favorite part, which I didn't say is this:
Now sweet lover
drawn nearer still
To my trembling arms,
that has waited an eternity
for a chance to hold,
if for only an instant,
you.
It is the perfect opening!!!
And what do you ever mean by my submissions?
santiago
__________________
Yo quiero más que Taco Bell...
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06-03-2004, 06:17 PM
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#10
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 367
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sorry ... I meant your poems...
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06-03-2004, 11:32 PM
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#11
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Muskogee, Oklahoma
Posts: 357
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hmmm...i think this quick reply helps poems to stay on top and get read more. so i'm just laughing about this one...it's cool alpha...my poems that is...
santiago
__________________
Yo quiero más que Taco Bell...
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06-03-2004, 11:50 PM
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#12
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Writer
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 28
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I loved it.
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Cowboy Bebop rules and Spike Spiegel is the most handsome anime character in the whole wide world.
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06-04-2004, 01:25 PM
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#13
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 367
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Thanks, faded.
I've started watching Cowboy Beebop myself. What I can't figure out is what's up with that Andy guy? Is he retarded or something? I'd better cut this short before kyar accuses me of superfluous thread bumping...
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06-04-2004, 02:08 PM
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#14
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Muskogee, Oklahoma
Posts: 357
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alpha,
i wasn't accusing you!!! instead i was trying to help your poem! (I'm sitting here laughing) anyways. this should keep it on top for a while longer!
santiago
__________________
Yo quiero más que Taco Bell...
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06-04-2004, 02:11 PM
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#15
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 367
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LMAO! I was wondering if you were going to reply. It's all good K. I am having a good time reading the work on this site.
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