scorpionhunter21

Ok well first of all, I'm new to this forum and this is a poem i wrote a while ago. comments and such are welcome

The rain comes pouring down
I’m outside her window
I tried to say sorry
but she doesn’t hear me

everything has gone grey
and I’m here still standing
the tears roll down my eyes
knowing that I lost her

she walks by me now
with a sad look on her face
I try to say something
only a sigh escapes my lips

I’m at her house once again
this time with a rose in my hand
she walks right up to me
I wanted to say “I’m sorry”

but I kiss her instead
and she kisses me back.

Marcus Williams

AngelsKry2

I don't know, it's good. Teen Angst as someone here would put it but it's good none the less. But there's somethings you need to work on, why are you sorry? If you know you lost her, why did you kiss her? Why did she kiss you back?

"she walks by me now
with a sad look on her face"

Why is she sad? I don't know, I'm a fan of giving information on the little things. Keep working at it. I see potential.

__________________
~AngelsKry2