Plitec

A friend of mine asked em to write a poem for him at christmas... so not one to pass up a challenge I did and this is the outcome. I tried hard not to come off pretencious and angsty .. but hey somethings just don't happen... enjoy!

Why do I always smile, when all I feel is pain?
Why do I search for sun, when all I see is rain?

If you could see into my mind
You would see my real side
"I hate myself I hate you all"
That teenage, angsty, pointless call....

My soul exists? This I ...do not know
If it does the mine should go.
Off away into the sun
Where it can be alone, it's won.

Music pounding in both ears,
Try desperately not to shed those tears.
"The things you feel inside are fine"
"It will all be sorted out" ...with time

Tiptoe down the high-wire line
Don’t look down, “It’ll be just fine”
That’s what people say until you fall,
Then they say – nothing at all

I’ve reached the end my time is gone
The sun has set; it’s life out shone.
But do not fret, no do not fear
It’ll be back, in time for next year.

Why do I always smile, when all I feel is pain?
Why do I search for sun, when all I see is rain?

Why do I keep on trying? It makes me go insane...

Any pointers?

Cheers

__________________
"Take a look at your life and no wonder you're so sad. Y'all put up with more sh*t than a colostomy bag"

Penelope

My only comment and it's one of curiousity - is this how you really feel? or was it simply done to satisfy a request and you thought a poem should sound like this. If you think I am being rude - well - I was going to say I'll kill myself - but that's kind of dramatic.
I found the poem lacking depth. Almost like - here is a poem - I knew I could write one - so I did. If a friend asked me to write them a poem, I would have thought about their friendship - what they meant to me. Perhaps part of the challenge was doing a teenage angst poem?

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"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan ~ 1981

Poetry Editor @ Sacred Twilight

Plitec

heh, we all have our darker sides penelope, so yes on the odd occasion i do find myself feeling like this ... mainly due to the damn hormonal imbalances running throughout my body.

I see what you mean, it was just someone said write how your feeling at the moment... so I did, there was no real creative element or spark that I have when I'm writing
I've never really written poetry before to be honest, as I've only tended to like war poetry (sorry to genearlise) but I find that it can, on the whole, be very pretentious.

It was more of a starting block to get into poetry and attempt to write something that I would like.

oh... and I don't any criticism rude if its well worded

__________________
"Take a look at your life and no wonder you're so sad. Y'all put up with more sh*t than a colostomy bag"