satori

World Ache

World Ache

In the heartache of this world
are hidden miseries all around us.
They hover behind the eyes
of those who walk right by.
They burden the hearts and the spirits.
I’m flattened seeing and feeling
mine as I do,
trying at the same time
to justify my hoarded crisis
against the unending turmoil
in others lives across the line.
I stay hating, sensing how mentally
cold, lonely, wet, and hungry I am,
thirsty for purpose, yet, ashamed,
knowing it’s worse over there.
Overwhelmed by endless opportunity;
empty of any discipline.
I’m torn apart by hints of
acceptance that terrify me,
that point at a response
that has sent me running
out of my head for so long.
I’m beginning to feel what I know,
where I’ve been, what I’ve done.
The silence cannot last;
the denial will not stay.
I fear my realization.
I hate seeing; I’d rather leave again.
Why did I wake up, if only to see this?
Why can’t I stay mute and comply?
Torn apart with shame and denial,
unable to focus.
The heartache I carry,
I fear all can see
the truth in my eyes
I’m trying to hide,
the pain I’m trying to deny.

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"You may call this energy positive and negative, even label it good and evil, but when the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge is digested, you will see that all things are one, having emerged from the wars of opposites to unity."~The Findhorn Garden

Darkshine

Hmmm...I like this poem, but I think it lacks a certain energy. Try some more expressive words. As my professor said today, "use more specific words to bring the point home!" It's true. I really think the emotion you've touched on here is a good place to build from.

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"The trouble with poets is they talk too much."
-Paul Mulvey

Penelope

For me, the poem simply didn't flow. I found myself tripping over the words instead of dancing a fandango through them.
I noticed the repetition of heartache in the first two lines. You might want to see if you can find an alternative for one of them. Too many 'sick's as well. I believe it's 'hoarded' not horded. I found that an interesting choice of words to use with crisis. The more I write the more I find to write about. I'll stop here unless you want a complete dissertation. This poem is worth reworking - there is a lot of value in it.

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"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan ~ 1981

Poetry Editor @ Sacred Twilight

Rage2Fury

Lot's of the thought, but not enough feeling. I am not trying to ruin your day, but I believe Pen is right. Value, this may have; re-write it and it could be something. Made me think of overseas, "the war". "Sick", if you must use it then reword it, into something with a simialr meaning. I just think that it is in there too many times. Well thats my paragraph for the day!

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~Steven-Denmark~
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"Remember Forever and Never Forget"
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"You're never too old for Rock'N'Roll, because it's in your heart and in your soul."