Darkshine

Contridicting viewpoints mother,
disharmonic chords of laughter.
Cursing us forever after
not to understand.

Threatening viewpoints bare repeating,
to tempt our silly anger fleeting,
when here I was just believing
we would never fight again.

When confronted with such rage,
let us not hold closed the cage.
But pry the bars with subtle,
fleeting smiles at our misery.

*Thought this poem was appropriate given recent events*
No hard feelings, right?

__________________
"The trouble with poets is they talk too much."
-Paul Mulvey

Beatrice Boyle

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall see heaven (paraphrased of course!)

__________________
To a Sr. Citizen, age is an attitude, not a number...To the young, attitude will get you fired!

wrighty306

A sad poem. Nice structure with the rhymes every first two sentences.

Darkshine

Bea-

Wrighty- It wasn't really intended to be sad. More, a statement about how anger is mishandled. It's interesting that you saw it in a different way.
Oh, and I know you admire my writing style!

__________________
"The trouble with poets is they talk too much."
-Paul Mulvey

SD

Flirting with Bea now are you...

and I thought we had something special...sniff...

Oh, well, I have Day and I am happy HEY, your poem!
Good work as usual. Digging the rhythm. Again (must think of new things to comment on... )

SD

Darkshine

Hah, well we do have something special! But stick with Day, you're better off.

Glad you like the poem, and I think it's good you can't think of much to say....as long as you don't have an onslaught of bad things to say, right?

__________________
"The trouble with poets is they talk too much."
-Paul Mulvey

Fantasia

There *is* a malancholic tone to it. For me it was mostly in the second verse. But I like the way it represents human nature in those moments when it's like we step out of ourselves and watch things like that happen, probably thinking, "No! Don't say that! Oh, but you did!"

Like it much.

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"God says he can get me out of this mess, but he's pretty sure you're f%#ked." --Stephen, from "Braveheart"

Darkshine

Yeah, I see what you're getting at Fantasia. And you're totally right. I think a lot of times we react in certain ways...on feelings alone, and make very poor desicions. Later we look back and think "wow, I just made an ass of myself". If we can just laugh off our silly anger...it just makes life so much easier for everyone!

__________________
"The trouble with poets is they talk too much."
-Paul Mulvey

SD

Now, how could I have an onslaught of bad things to say? Never! I just have a quick question

Could you put a comma in the first line?

Contridicting viewpoints , mother,
disharmonic chords of laughter.

or would that totally not fit in ? : scratches helmet :

Btw, I like that opening. I believe in good openings. I prefer two-liners myself, but you work opening stanzas very well. Keep that up

I will keep Day. As long as Day'll keep me..


SD

Darkshine

I see where you're coming from about the comma. I don't know...I usually don't think much about injecting commas within the line, but I think that could work. It kinda looks weird, but when you read it with the pause it sounds better. Thanks!


Usually my opening stanzas are the lines that I first imagined for the poem. I take off running there, if anything, I sometimes get snagged on endings.

Cute *about Day, that is*

__________________
"The trouble with poets is they talk too much."
-Paul Mulvey

SD

Me too, me too, D. I come up with a two-liner that sounds good in my head, and then I gotta figure out the rest, in post extatic haze the latter part usually suffers...

with the addition of the comma, the line makes more sense to me. I wasn't thinking about the pause at all, I confess...The narrator of the poem addresses the 'mother', but, without the comma :scratches helmet: the line doesn't make sense to me, on a grammatical level (did I mention I am an educator?)

Yes, isn't Day cute?

Darkshine

Mmmm...it's not directed a a mother. It's saying that the viewpoints "mother" these chords of laughter. As in...they're the product of the viewpoints.

See what I mean?

__________________
"The trouble with poets is they talk too much."
-Paul Mulvey

AdamR

Properly, it's "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."

But I got your paraphrase.

Well written poem. Good job.

__________________
"Excellence in all things, and all things to the glory of God."
- Motto of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church

SD

Yes. I do.

SD, needs sleep or mother badly

Darkshine

Thank you Adam.

__________________
"The trouble with poets is they talk too much."
-Paul Mulvey