Live on raeh

Under the surface of a broken delicacy
Lies the one thing that held it all together
Love

Intruded by a Sharp Instinct, there is hope
Shiny object of affection, the bandage for a wound so deep
So cold is this weapon of recovery, so soft a surface
The beating heart bleeds tears once again
Paint me a love story
No one will know
Love..

__________________
Can't you see?
Sights of civilized disorder
Corrupt in mind, flawless in design
The life of which they take,
Done by hand, doomed by fate

Darkshine

I really like this piece Raeh. Contrary to my normal position I think it does well without flow and rhyme. I don't understand the last two line's relivence to the rest of the writing, but I love the line "paint me a love story".
Perhaps make the last two lines fit into the rest of it a bit better, that's my only advice. I'm loving the imagery.

__________________
"The trouble with poets is they talk too much."
-Paul Mulvey

Live on raeh

Well, the last three lines are the most personal to me. Perhaps the piece would've been better if I cropped the last two lines.
Thanks for your comment! I was expecting to lose a few limbs on this one, heh.

__________________
Can't you see?
Sights of civilized disorder
Corrupt in mind, flawless in design
The life of which they take,
Done by hand, doomed by fate