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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
09-24-2003, 02:27 AM
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#1
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: not actually IN mumsville... uk really!
Posts: 1,633
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The streets of home
The streets of home
These dirty streets are litter-keen
Nobody bothers to keep them clean
Bushes grow wild because they're unkept
Everyday debris remains where it lay, unswept
Rows upon rows of houses are stacked
Where window are missing, or are cracked
'Lock up at dusk' and 'unlocked at dawn'
Everyday that arises, more problems are born
You’d better not walk alone in the night
Or else, you'll be dead before morning light!
this has been a long time waited upon - a challenge somewhat set by/between Jasmine and Penelope, a poem about the town or counrty in which we grew up.
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09-24-2003, 05:43 AM
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#2
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Addict
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 103
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Hols, if the last lines are true, then I must be a corpse a bajillion times over!
I think you missed the Rhythm Train with this one, Chucky Egg, especially in the fourth line...I just can not get my tongue around it!!
And, Pompey isn't that bad, is it?
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09-24-2003, 06:12 AM
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#3
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Addict
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 140
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sounds like liverpool, also known as litterpool. i don't know what this is supposed to be sounds like a nursey rhyme about litterpool at any rate
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09-24-2003, 07:43 AM
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#4
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: not actually IN mumsville... uk really!
Posts: 1,633
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actually it is Portsmouth... don't ever go there it's a dump!!
and the only reason why yu aren't dead yet Jas, is because when you go walking after midnight, the WEIRDOS run from YOU!!!!
heh heh heh
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09-24-2003, 08:37 AM
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#5
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Mountain-y Place
Posts: 271
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Cool. This has a nice little jingle to it once it gets started, but Jasmine is right about the rythmn at the beginning. It stumbles. However, altogether a nice little piece. I think I'm gonna have a hand at this hometown poetry. 
__________________
"The trouble with poets is they talk too much."
-Paul Mulvey
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09-24-2003, 10:36 AM
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#6
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Addict
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 140
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Hmm I'm not sure if Portsmouth is worse than Liverpool. I've never spent more than a few hours in Portsmouth during the day while waiting for a ferry to the Isle of Wight.
__________________
My king! my Jove! I speak to thee, my heart!
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09-25-2003, 02:01 AM
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#7
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: not actually IN mumsville... uk really!
Posts: 1,633
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hey, i never claimed it was any good!
i know it is rubbish - look what i had as a subject!!
is it rubish, or rubbish? i forget...
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09-25-2003, 05:28 AM
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#8
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Addict
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 140
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rubbish - i prefer "crap"
__________________
My king! my Jove! I speak to thee, my heart!
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09-25-2003, 07:11 AM
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#9
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: not actually IN mumsville... uk really!
Posts: 1,633
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*is shocked by the language*
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09-25-2003, 07:12 AM
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#10
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Addict
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 140
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*is shocked that anybody cares about my language*
__________________
My king! my Jove! I speak to thee, my heart!
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09-25-2003, 07:15 AM
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#11
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: not actually IN mumsville... uk really!
Posts: 1,633
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golly that was quick!!!
and remember ther ARE ladies about.
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09-25-2003, 07:18 AM
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#12
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Addict
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 140
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i'm keeping 1 eye on the screen and my other 2 on the ladies
__________________
My king! my Jove! I speak to thee, my heart!
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09-25-2003, 07:23 AM
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#13
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: not actually IN mumsville... uk really!
Posts: 1,633
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erm..... okay then.....
*is ever so slightly worried now*
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09-25-2003, 07:25 AM
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#14
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Addict
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 140
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if i keep talking you will probably become more worried
__________________
My king! my Jove! I speak to thee, my heart!
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09-25-2003, 07:26 AM
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#15
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: not actually IN mumsville... uk really!
Posts: 1,633
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you are probably right.... and if you are not careful, i may just end up poem'ing about you and your weirdness
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