A Winter's Moon - Writers Forum

**Penelope** · 09-20-2003, 01:00 PM

Within my memories, they lay,
confused by years surrendered.
Their haunting touch is tendered
by automatic replay.
Rewound each passing day.
As they are remembered,
my heart is rendered
into pools of grey.
A winter’s moon
on a barren beach.
The tides, I frequent
seeking harmony.
Once a fiddler’s tune,
now a sandpiper’s lament.

PFA
20/09/03

Darkshine · 09-20-2003, 01:40 PM

Hmmm....I'm unsure about this Penelope. I love the imagery and the idea you're expressing but I don't know that it really works as a poem. The flow is werid, particularly after the firts three lines set a pattern andthen it's broken again and again. Still, if that was fixed I'd say a work of art as always.

**Penelope** · 09-20-2003, 02:09 PM

I don't like the flow either. It was a challenge based on a famous poem with a rhyme sequence that seemed disjointed to me.
a-b-b-a-a-b-b-a-c-d-e-f-c-e. Drove me crazy!

This is the poem, the challenge was to come up with a poem which had a similar theme and rhyme sequence:

What lips My Lips have Kissed
by Edna St. Vincent Millay

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before;
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

Darkshine · 09-20-2003, 06:43 PM

Wow...that's a really weird scheme. It kinda works on the original poem, but not really there even. Hmph, odd poets and their weird rhyme schemes.

**Penelope** · 09-20-2003, 06:57 PM

Doesn't matter. I will change the poem some other time. I just don't cope well with dreary on a long term basis.

Rage2Fury · 09-20-2003, 09:35 PM

I think it is rather interesting... A very different kind of poem. I liked them both!

**Penelope** · 09-20-2003, 10:28 PM

I had trouble writing this poem but felt compelled to rise to the challenge. Different styles interest me but this one was too far away from my normal rhyming schemes. I will rewrite it to suit me better. Too many cool concepts to let it sit unaltered. Respecting other poetic styles is a good lesson for any writer. It expands our boundaries.

Rage2Fury · 09-20-2003, 10:29 PM

Yep, I agree...

SD · 09-21-2003, 05:01 AM

Wowza, never done a rhyme sequence challenge, can't be easy. Way to go, Pen.

I guess every poet follows his or her own systems when it comes to rhyme. But I don't like rhyme for rhyme reasons. End rhyme, for instance, rubs *me* the wrong way, if I can avoid it I do. But sometimes it serves a purpose and that is what poetry is all about isn't it: Make the whole package work somehow. Focus. Words. Image. Rhythm. Form. Tone. Theme.

Well, enough blethering. I don't usually follow any logic in my poetry. We all appreciate different techniques, and it is good to try out new things, like Pen said. Let's not limit ourselves. But try new stuff only if it makes you happy. Don't force it.

When I write a poem, it is usually done in three to seven minutes, I can't chisel forever, there's no point in that. Not for me anyway. I need the spontaneity. It has to flow. There has to be some meaning to it, if there is none, I chuck it. The words either come, or they don't. Hence I'd prolly never be able to do a challenge.

SD

praveenkm1 · 09-21-2003, 07:15 AM

what are you people trying to prove ?

Jasmine · 09-21-2003, 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by praveenkm1

what are you people trying to prove ?

I'm guessing I won't be alone in thinking to myself:
"Excuse me??"

**Penelope** · 09-21-2003, 07:50 AM

er .. what are which people trying to prove? I would have expected a more in depth response from a person who writes exceptional poetry. What I am trying to deal with is creativity, respect for poets who have gone before, a sense of history of the written word, praveenkm; your comment says more about you than it does about the rest of us.
SD - when I usually write a poem (rhyming ones) they take very little time. Because they 'flow' from me. I don't often sit and stew about finding a rhyming word cause when I am off and running .. they come naturally to me. it's much harder for me to try something new - like haikus - the challenge poem - free verse - line breaks - cinquains - but all of these interest me because I want to explore. I'm just not content staying within the confines of what comes naturally to me. As my signature line says .. can't keep me caged ...

You know I like your poems SD. Simply because they are unique and display humour. Doing humour well is an art in itself.

SD · 09-21-2003, 08:45 AM

Awww, Pen, I am blushing over here. Yes, doing different types of poems is a challenge. You have rules to follow, and, as the unruly poet (the one that does not know the rules so well ehum) you find yourself limited and caged to some extent. Doing those haikus in the other thread is dreadful fun. I come up with this line that just flows out of me, but, SHOCK, it has only 5 syllables and then I have to come up with PLan B, which then wholly lacks spontaneity...and I cry to the heavens and end up writing something...which could have been better expressed with those measly five syllables...what I am trying to say?...yes, I chuck rules out the window more than not - - but that's what makes you love me, huh, Pen?

PS. Love you's poems too DS
SD

PS II. I never try to prove a point, the readers are much smarter than me DS II
SD II

**Penelope** · 09-21-2003, 08:59 AM

You have me blushing now! Trust me, that's rare! The most endearing thing you've done is change your avatar! Then I was consumed with guilt cause I'd complained about it. Thwarting self expression is not something I want to be notorious for.
I love the haiku challenge as well. It's fun and allows me to expand into humour at times. I've gotten a couple of good haikus out of that thread. Surprised myself!