Love Evolves - Writers Forum

free_mind_7 · 06-17-2003, 01:00 AM

Love Evolves

From a lost love evolves another
A new emotion unlike the others
Never saw it, blind until now
Mysterious, I still don't know how
Must try and provoke this to grow
Heart beats, mind too numb to know
Wondering if she could know I feel
Hope she will, gotta to make this real
So I continue searching for ways
But talking to her I fall under a haze
It steals my voice as a thief in the night
And for the words to tell her I fight
And just hope she'll see.......

Csira · 06-17-2003, 05:36 AM

Although there were some lines that didn't flow for me, I liked the feel of the poem. I guess it's because I'm more used to ballad-type poems, if there's such a thing. Nevertheless, as I have said before, I liked the tone.

Quote:

But talking to her I fall under a haze
It steals my voice as a thief in the night

I like these lines especially. I can feel the strong imagery, as the poem develops. I also liked how you ended the poem. In a way that connects the uncertainty shown throughout the poem. Good job, and keep writing.

free_mind_7 · 06-18-2003, 10:42 AM

thank you . i actually thought this was one of my worst works. but im glad u had positive remarks for it. thanx.

rcallaci · 06-18-2003, 09:41 PM

Nice flow. You have a good feel for tone. Keep writing.

Warm Regards,
Bob

free_mind_7 · 06-19-2003, 01:22 AM

thank you bob. nice to hear from u again.

Bartleby · 06-21-2003, 08:22 PM

Free mind 7~

I have to say that the rhymes seem a bit forced through the later half of the piece, and while I enjoy the tone of this poem, there seem to be tons more potential in just the title alone.

free_mind_7 · 06-21-2003, 10:48 PM

nice catch bart. it was actually very forced. i try not to rhyme sometimes but it just happens and then halfway through my thoughts i draw blank on words that fit well so i hafta force it. im suprised no one else caught on to that. good work sherlock.

-FM7