Thread: The Hue Of Pressed Voids

Somber tones didn’t make it easier
But she never understood why tears wouldn’t
Let her sight see to sleeping grounds
While bruises would only grow.

In the mist and merging dew she remembers blossoms.
Somber tones didn’t make it easier
And she would ask why cradled hands
Were only wasted within a tempests single wish

Bloomed drops of somewhere’s lit window
Her body could move to embrace warm suns
Leant along the savors of first airs
As her eyes gathered hints upon tied pries
Heavy breath whispering early dawn

But fervoring’s hadn’t lasted to warm airs
Just the embrace of broken ties that gathered
Somewhere. Leant the hum songbird for a lord to keep
Just a moment of heavy breath she couldn’t bear

Somber tones didn’t make it easier
But she never understood why tears wouldn’t
Let her sight see to sleeping grounds
While bruises would only grow.

Hi, shedpog--

So far-- I'll need some more time to decipher the poem as it is a bit cryptic to me-- I'm picking up on the contrast of "blossoms"/"cradled hands"/"suns"/"warm airs"-- their associations with peace, connections, comfort, beauty-- and "somber tones"/"tears"/"tempests"-- their dourness, disconnect, and fragmentation.

There seems to be an awareness of unfathomable powers as "somber tones didn't make it easier" indicates.

Some of the sentences confuse me. An example would be "but she never understood why tears wouldn't / let her sight see to sleeping grounds". I simply can't wrap my mind around the phrase "let her sight see". Why not "let her see"? I mean, sight is the faculty of seeing. All right-- so, the tears are blurring/obscuring/not allowing her to see (yes?) "to sleeping grounds". Hm. "to", among other things, signifies the destination of a subject. I'm not quite sure how it's intended here. And are "sleeping grounds" grounds designed/used for sleeping or are they grounds that are in the condition of being asleep?

I like "in the mist and merging dew she'd remember blossoms". It illustrates the subject's effort to train her vision outwards, towards the landscape, and to concentrate on realistic details/memories.

within a tempests single winded wish

tempest's -- needs apostrophe as it is possessive

"bloomed drops of somewhere's lit window" is actually quite pretty. I'm not sure what "bloomed drops" are, exactly-- dewdrops, maybe?-- but I like the possessive of "somewhere".

Thanks for sharing.

When I read this for the second time, I saw a funeral. This is how I see it:
"Somber tones didn’t make it easier"- The sounds of hymns being sung and weeping
"But she never understood why tears wouldn’t
Let her sight see to sleeping grounds" - She never understood why her tears wouldn't bring back her loved ones?
"While bruises would only grow." - This death caused deep wounds that only grow over time.
Obviously, there is more to this but it would get tedious to go over each line individually. It is a bit cryptic, as Lace said, but not everything should be handed to a reader either. If you sharpen up the language a bit and make -that- easier to understand, I think this would be a great poem. Also, if my analysis is way off, let me know.

thanks for the responce....
I believe in my own right that the images could be rather bland
but at the same time i wished to arrange it with a certain aim that causes a reader a second moment to review what could have been lost
so i am glad that you captured that second appraisle for what its worth stepper
whether its cryptic Lace, im not sure...i was hoping certain images could re connect the story and that its repitition was purposly designed to that re connection necessary or not....

I think the part that bothered me the most was the "fevering" which i changed to "fervoring"....i dont know if it was realized but its contradiction made me want to pull my limbs lol
never the less i appreciate the time you took to read....its not often i pull something outta my hat that i wanna work on more
most of the time i get myself so bounded between paralleled words that i loose focus and give up in my own impatience
but im glad this one actually revived some sort of sequencing undertone
thanks again for the input boys


PS. When I Get A Chance, If It's For The Best Of Both Worlds
I'll Go In And Take A Look A Other Works....I'm In The Middle Of Classes Right Now
So I'm Reading Sum 500 Pages Worth Of Columbus Documents That Would Also Require Me To Pull Limbs Out
But When I Get A Chance Again...I Am Sincerley Interested In Whats Been Posted Recently And Will Bump To It
Just Gotta Wait On Me...I Know Most Of The Time My Issues Are Kinda Juvenile For Lack Of Time
I'll Try Better With My Favors And Respects When I Find The Moment

Thanks Once More For