Thread: Plaids and Polka Dots

"Dearest Johanna -

After all those years,
your words were often as fresh in my ears
as Christmas carols in springtime.

We walked through wild and vibrant hues
clothed in blacks and navy blues,
speaking with words that almost rhymed,
like cherry-lime and eglantine.

But such as it was, it was fine.

Though we were paired
like plaids and polka dots,
stripes and spots,
country-fried okra and cumquats,
you loved me well
and I adored you so;
it was swell.

But now -
now it is over.
So, my love, farewell.

Your loving Henry."

I placed the note back on the ground,
upon the grave where it was found.

Poignantly written. The near-rhymes and the poem layout worked better than a consistent structured poem, was pleasing to read.
Loved it, thanks for sharing.

This was touching to read.

I liked the construction of rhymes, but emotionally, it didn't feel touching. I don't understand what the narrator felt about this person Johan, other than him missing her

Very nice and the twist at the end was unexpected, which makes it delicious.

thanks everyone - glad you found the irregular structure and rhymes effective

helium, you wrote:

emotionally, it didn't feel touching. I don't understand what the narrator felt about this person Johan, other than him missing her

He does say "...I adored you so," but the expounding on his feelings was not what I was going for, I could have gone there, but didn't - it was mainly to make the point that despite their differences, they had been in love until the end - or to put in more banal verse:

Though we were different as night and day
we loved each other anyway.

(awful, I know, that's why it wasn't in the poem : )

Also, I've found it is fun sometimes to write pieces that involve a character speaking, to use another voice than my own - for instance, I would never say or write "swell" in my own voice, except in jest - it just wouldn't ring true, but it can work with another character's speech

thanks again
---todd

Ah, I see what you mean by the plaids and polka-dots. My thought was they went well together, but I'm not getting how different these two people were. Like these lines,

We walked through wild and vibrant hues
clothed in blacks and navy blues,
speaking with words that almost rhymed,
like cherry-lime and eglantine.

I thought they were very similar people

I was always told that plaids and polka dots don't match, and neither does black and navy blue - they are close, but being so close but not quite, they clash - same with the words that almost rhymed - all metaphors for their differences, but maybe it's not as clear to others as I intended -

I also suspect that the initial irony about Christmas carols in springtime was missed by many: he is saying that after all those years, her voice was not fresh, was stale to him - consider how how 'Deck the Halls' sounds if you hear it in April: old, stale, unmagical, even grating

Such were my intents, but I always like to hear how things come across to others : )

---todd

how bout july

Originally Posted by shedpog329

how bout july

If you mean by that something about "Christmas carols in July," I did briefly consider it, but decided not to since "Christmas in July" has gotten to be a bit cliche - thanks though for the comment

--todd

I love "like Christmas carols in the springtime." It's a fresh little simile.

This entire poem is smooth and full of melancholy. I love the twist at the end and the cold feeling you give to the words of nostalgia which the speaker writes.

Excellent.

Originally Posted by Squalid Glass

I love "like Christmas carols in the springtime." It's a fresh little simile.

This entire poem is smooth and full of melancholy. I love the twist at the end and the cold feeling you give to the words of nostalgia which the speaker writes.

Excellent.

thanks Squalid, means a lot coming from you, good sir
---todd

Echo both Cindy and SG, the twist is simply delish and the piece overall is excellent. I keep coming back to this one, Todd, your word choices are perfect. Loved the carols bit, speaks volumes, and while the language seems almost light, it isn't at all, it's deep as a well. That's hard to pull off. Great job with the comparisons, also. And if you were here, I'd kiss you for that ending. Excellent, indeed!

you make me laugh Lisa! : ) glad you enjoyed the piece, and the ending - this was fun to write, although it is of a somber nature -

it's interesting to me how an entire piece can flow out of a simple idea of a few words - the phrase "plaids and polka dots" came to mind, and then the whole piece grew up around that - I had no preconcieved intent - I like it when it works that way, instead of forcing words along to fit a rigid purpose

thanks
---todd