Thread: One Night Stand Serenade

Last night your poseys smelled like liliacs
your muddy waters looked so clean
that I pulled your scarlet ribbon
and listened to you sing.

Melodies from heaven
carried on a breeze
settled on your ruby lips
and whispered in my dreams.

But morning shows your wrinkles
and the hardness in your eyes
is bound to be from knowing
all my talk was pretty lies.

So when the whistle starts to blowing
and you know I'm on my way
won't you grab a bunch of poseys
and place them where we've laid.

Then sing of scented liliacs
on the early morning breeze
and I'll be listening from the rail car
at the station as it leaves.

Oh funny! Thanks for a good chuckle. Good meter, too.

I have to echo Cindy, this is great fun and your meter is to die for. A pleasure to read, well done, Jed.

Hi Gumby and Chester's Daughter, glad to hear it gave you a chuckle cliches and all.

Well done.

This poem would probably make my Grandma blush. Even so, there is a strange balance of positive and negative aspects that I absolutely adore. The first line sets up the subject of the poem, explaining her..uh hem.. virtues. The second is all beautiful imagery and contrasts well with the third line which brings the character back to earth. I'm a newbie, so my opinion may not be much to consider, but I think that if the poem has any flaw it would be where the climax is and how long the resolution is (unless you were trying to capture the feel of a Shakespearean play, where the climax is in the middle rather than near the end). Overall, I'm jealous, keep up the good work.

This was very nice to read. I liked the last two lines, especially