Thread: Along the Merry Way

Going along the Merry Path
Nothing in the silent way
until passing down that Merry Path
that sends the heart a bypath

It only a simple thing, around just a bend
a simple apple, near the path
and only a step Our way to send
Our hungers to an end.

Our eyes looking in with endless gaze
and Our lips, soon to frothing
do We send our hand to take
just one bite; and just so, we ate.

Now, do We finally see the sun sitting
along so, a steady freeze
for do we see in the silent ether coming
a twilight gleam, a hopeless passing.

I like this - the rhythm flows well and the imagery is simple but engaging

It reads like a cautionary tale, a fable of some sort -

The most obvious change to make to my eye is to make the title and the first line/stanza match: You've titled the piece "Along the Merry Way", but proceed in the first line to say "...along the Merry Path", and again in the third line: "that Merry Path" - never a mention of the Merry Way : )

good piece though overall : )
---todd

Thanks, will make the change later.