Thread: Time Never Flies for the Festering

The arthritic sweep
of Father's hands
as they come full circle
is seemingly slower
than a sluggish slug's slide
from the Big Apple to Orange.

His buckled digits brake
at sixty rest stops
(don't snooze and you lose)
while Mr. Slug slimes
just over three fourths of a state.

And that, my friends,
describes a sixty second
s-t-r-e-t-c-h
on the plane of pain.

I'm on constant stand-by
hoping for a seat
on a more accommodating airline,
but with frequent flyer miles
long exhausted,
I'm laughed to the back
of the line.

And what's good enough
for Kirk the transporter king
is apparently too good for me;
Priceline ignored my inquiry.

All my four limbs
for a parachute
and a hot air balloon


which way is Nirvana?

I like this, especially the penultimate stanza. Personally, I'd cut the last line. This poem is heading in my direction, although I would cut more, but I often do this and am acused by my partner of ruining good poems.

Sorry I can't be of more help.

Love,

Firebird

i was just waiting for the comic book pow and kawame
classic slow motion combat
silly
powerful imagery none the less

strong imagery with a compelling narrative

I like the imagery throughout this one Lisa. Good and strong. This stanza is my favorite, gave me a good chuckle:

And what's good enough
for Kirk the transporter king
is apparently too good for me;
Priceline ignored my inquiry.

I really don't know any other poets who can be so nonchalant about subjects and yet remain captivating. I'd love to see a published poet who can add humor to a poem correctly, but I don't know how often I look for new ones. o_O ...

Hi Lisa, I particularly liked S1 and S2. It reminded me of time passing on the only bus trip I ever took. At 6'2" sitting in seats made for 4' midgets every stop seemed like a personal insult designed to break me. I think L5 would read better without "sluggish" it seems a bit too redundant. I like the way you used dashes to visually reinforce the word stretch.