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About LinkBacksEven I, who am not usually bothered by weather, am bored by the current dreariness in London:
The winter wind which blows so chill
Leaves me feeling rather ill
I wish the sun would come again
And drive away the winter rain.
Even I, who am not usually bothered by weather, am bored by the current dreariness in London:
The winter wind which blows so chill
Leaves me feeling rather ill
I wish the sun would come again
And drive away the winter rain.
Last edited by Bloggsworth; 01-04-2012 at 05:21 PM.
A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.
This is ok. Needs something more though to make it more engaging. Only my opinion.
Love,
Firebird
It was only a comment on today's weather...
A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.
As a comment on the weather it's fineHowever, and this is only my opinion it feels very cliche, that is the rhyming is overdone. It might make a good nursery rhyme if it were Satire, but you made it abundantly clear that this was just your reflections on the weather. I agree with firebird it needs something more to captivate the reader, to draw them in. Even if it is only a short piece. In my perspective, as I have already stated poetry is art. Art can be garbage to one person and brilliant to another. I think your poem has potential.
sincerely
Andrew Jonius
Oh dear - It was only a comment on the weather; literally, only a comment on the weather.
A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.
For a comment on the weather, I like it.
“The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” ~ James Allen
"Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke
Its' nice, it rhymes.
And I agree with the sentiment.
The Dark Art Of Posting. A useful thread!
http://www.writingforums.com/writers...t-posting.html
I have a wooden spoon and I'm not afraid to use it.
id like to think it rather blows big bushels
ghastly ol chap
Last edited by shedpog329; 01-13-2012 at 06:08 AM.
Do you want this piece critiqued as a poem or as a meterological report? : )Originally Posted by Bloggsworth
---todd
A growing collection of writings at my blog: Poems and Vignettes
Also check out the latest installment of The Catholic Sojourner
Meteorology naturally...
A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.
Turn to meteorology and nobody will trust you again. :p I'm almost surprised you decided on a limerick(ish) arrangement rather than a haiku. I'm sitting here avoiding some other things I should be doing for a few moments and the snow is flying past the window so I'll add a haiku version as a commiserating comment:
wrapped in an afghan
winter wind a chilling breath
more hot buttered rum?
Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man. -Sir Francis Bacon
It is an oddity of this forum that when I post a proper poem it sits there twiddling its thumbs for weeks and nobody comments, chuck in a comment on the dreich weather, and I get a bag-full...
A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.
The fun stuff sits easily with people.
It's also cute how you actually posted this.
“The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” ~ James Allen
"Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke
As I'm sitting here freezing my cute behind off, this was easy to reply to.
Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man. -Sir Francis Bacon
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