Thread: Trembling In The Wake of an Age

These days of only living won't make an easy story
Not a soul will bother with the transcripts
Not a scribe would waste the ink

These days of slowly giving won't ever make a fortune
Hiding out in coffee shops and sleeping through the morning
Making only love and nothing more substantial

My silent hesitations only serve to draw me deeper
Down the flailing footsteps of another needless journey
Where never once was destination known

I'm sure that in the future these crimes will come to judgment
By harsher hands and sterner minds than ours
Trembling in the wake of an age

But when this voyage culminates, in darkness sweet and final
The warmth we've gathered in idle hours
Might ease that lonely passing

Pretty! I particularly like the first two stanzas. The third stanza is good (though I'm not sure how I feel by introducing an "I" narrator), except that its last line has a rather awkwardly forced grammar when I read it ("Where never once was destination known"). I might prefer it as something more simple, such as "with no known destination."

I like all the words in the fourth stanza (even though I'm getting further from a solidly coherent meaning), but something about the rhythm is throwing me off -- it just doesn't flow as well as the other stanzas.

Hmm. I also don't quite like the flow of the "in idle hours" line.

---

Those complaints out of the way, I do very much like the poem. It requires more reflection than I can give at 1:00am, however, so I will leave it for now. If you have any specific questions, I'd love to discuss the poem more!

thats why i stick to my 5 hour energy boosts
starbucks is a waste of my youthful savings account

I am not very good at critiques, but I did thoroughly enjoy this poem. I perceive poetry like art, different people see different things in it. Some notice the hue of colors, others see the whole picture. Some can analyze down to the atoms of the piece. As for me it seems that this poem is very deep. I love the line: "Making only love and nothing more substantial" in stanza 2. Your art seems very spiritual to me. for instance "I'm sure that in the future these crimes will come to judgment
By harsher hands and sterner minds than ours
Trembling in the wake of an age"
I don't know your specific view on the world, but I can determine that you have a social conscience, and that you believe actions have consequences, and that there is some kind of higher power. Very involved stuff. Good on ya man, keep writing.
Andrew Jonius

I love the line "Not a scribe would waste the ink". The only thing I can think of that might improve it is some punctuation, but it works well without it. I was just adding some pauses in my mind as I was reading it.

Hi Glass,
I liked this a lot.
Social commentary, clever multiple meanings, sharp.

These days of slowly giving won't ever make a fortune
Hiding out in coffee shops and sleeping through the morning
Making only love and nothing more substantial

B****y brilliant!

I consider poetry a performance art, one day it would be good to hear you read this.

I thoroughly enjoyed this Glass Pencil, very deep and with a spiritual feeling. I do agree with Damien that some punctuation would help the flow and give the reader some natural pauses to reflect on. Good stuff.