Thread: Questioning The Riverbed

Dressed untarnished
Your silver superior to such compressing tones
Has found me bound between them

Crushed like the diamonds from your eyes
So that if for a moment I should remove such regard
To collect the quarters of these walls

Then I might miss the pieces
Should they plummet
Or be stolen away

This armor of mine has proven lethargic
Slowly swarming to the floors
A thousand Gilgamesh’s sinking to the river
For a moment of life’s rich grasp

I’ll search again and again for your vestige
And the ever sanction that holds within it
For the little breath left to breathe
Ill struggle for your skies

This has a very mysterious quality about it. It seems dark, though I can't crack it. What is it about? I can't really tell if it's coherent because I'm unsure of the subject matter, though I want to guess it has something to do with a romantic relationship? Due to the "diamonds from your eyes" and the line "I'll struggle for your skies" which, to me, signifies a battle for some sort of freedom through a relationship, or superiority through a relationship. There are a couple of lines I would revise, more for the object of proper English than sound such as "-sinking to the river" might be better suited as "-sinking in the river." or something more clear. But overall I really like this and I think you have very good wording skills and it seems that you are very connected with your emotions, keep trying to figure each other out. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for ur compliments it is supposed to be romantic so im glad you got that Its actually about a proposal.... A personal one no but about a man asking a women for her hand and the nearing of lifes dutys to that marriage which is where i tried to play with the gilgamesh story. I hope its not too incoherent but thanks for enjoying

No I don't think it is incoherent, I am not particularly familiar with the epic of gilgamesh, though.. lol But I can see what you mean by duties in that stanza, This armor of mine has proven lethargic and particularly For a moment of life’s rich grasp.I realize the potential of that last line now that you clarify! Also, the first stanza is very imaginative as far as a proposal goes.

Thank you!!